OBSESSED FAN TRIES TO SLEEP WITH ME!/Transcript

Boogie2988: Can I sleep with you ? Like Seriously, Can I sleep with you ? Ok, I'm gonna sleep with you.

Jesse: What ? Boogie, What are you saying right now ? Is this a fucking joke right now ?

Jesse: Boogie, Boogie ! Ow, Ow ! You're laying on me right now !

Boogie2988: I'm sorry, I forgot the surgery, I forgot the surgery.

Parker: What are you doing ?!

Boogie: Dude, I was...

Jesse: Parker ! what...

Parker: What the fuck ?!

Jesse: Honestly, what are you doing right now ?

Boogie2988: It's a sleepover Jesse ! We were having a sleepover ! We were sleeping over, dude !

Parker: Why does nobody have shirts on ?!

Boogie2988: Where the fuck is your shirt ? He's in his underwear..

Jesse: This is how I always sleep.

Parker: You're in our room !

Boogie2988: Oh, I'm in your room in my house !

Jesse: Boogie, I don't know what's going on, but like, I, We're just trying to..

Boogie2988: To be honest with you, we were up all night, we were playing games, and my wife's trying to sleep, and she told me I can't sleep on the bed and..

Jesse: Dude, you can't sleep here. Like, that's fucking...

Boogie2988: We're having a sleepover!

Jesse: You're 42 years old, and I'm young, and this is fucking...

Boogie2988: You look good, you're no bigger than half my age, I don't care.

Jesse: Thanks dude, Thanks dude, but you can't, I'm sorry, I appreciate everything you've been doing...

Boogie2988: I need somewhere to sleep...

Jesse: What am I supposed to do ?

Jesse: Sleep in the other room.

Boogie2988: Jesse, the room is off limits. Even I can't go in there right now ! Ok ? I own the fucking place...

Jesse: Alright, but you can't sleep...

Boogie2988: By the way Parker, my roommate said he heard somebody snoopin around there this morning, and you were the one who was up, right after he got home, so that meant had to be you by the way.

Parker: How the fuck did you know I was up ?

Boogie2988: That's what my roommate said !

Parker: He heard me.

Boogie2988: I'm telling you dude, do not get by that side of the house. Do not touch that fucking side of the room Parker !

Jesse: I don't think we ever went in there...

Boogie2988: Let's just go to bed, let's just go to bed ! Let's just go to bed.

Jesse: like there's not...

Boogie2988: Where am I supposed to sleep then ?

Jesse: Go sleep on the couch, I'm sorry whatever's going on...

Boogie2988: I don't fit on the couch, Jesse ! I don't fit on the couch ! There's enough room for all 3 of us here ! Parker gets to sleep here if I get to sleep with you ! (X3) Fuck !

Jesse: It's late man, I'm sorry it's late, thank you for the room and everything, but we can't let you sleep here. We want our privacy and...

Jesse: We're trying to get some rest and we can come fresh start tomorrow!

Boogie2988: I just really want to sleep with you, dude. You're not going to leave or anything, are you ? I wouldn't know what to do. Are you sure ?

Jesse: We're booked for Sunday. Right ?

Boogie2988: Ok, alright alright.

Jesse: We're booked for Sunday.

Boogie2988: Tomorrow night, we're gonna have friends over, right ?

Jesse: Yeah.

Boogie2988: We're gonna play some more games and we're gonna get you drinkin and afterwards we can hook up. You know what I'm sayin ? We can hook up.

Parker: What the fuck do you mean hook up ?

Boogie2988: That's what you kids say right ? You hook up ?

Parker: No, It....

Boogie2988: Like you do the dab or...

Jesse: I don't think you're using that right.

Jesse: Oh, like hook up a PlayStation?

Boogie2988: We hook up !

Jesse: I don't think you're using that properly.

Boogie2988: I think I am. Whatever you kids call the kids hang out and do the dabs and...

Jesse: That would be us kissing each other.

Boogie2988: I'm okay with that if you're okay with that.

Jesse: Ha ha, you're funny, man. Look it's late and...

Jesse: It's not a big deal and we'll catch you tomorrow man.

Boogie2988: (Pounding door)

Parker:What the fuck, dude ?

Boogie2988: Why can't I fucking sleep with you, dude ?

Jesse: I like to sleep by myself.

Boogie2988: I'm sorry. We'll hook up tomorrow alright ? I love you.

Jesse: I love you too, man.

Boogie2988: I love you guys ! See you tomorrow and thanks for staying over and playing games ! I love you guys, and I love you.

Jesse: Alright, we'll catch ya tomorrow.

Boogie2988: Alright, we'll hook up.

Jesse: We will hook up a uh, console for sure.

Boogie2988: I haven't screwed up.

Jesse: We're good, we're just trying to get some sleep. Good night !

(Boogie2988 leaves room)

(Boogie2988 outside Room) Son of a bitch !

Jesse: That's got to be a joke. That's got to be a fucking joke. He's probably putting on a new character right now.

Parker: What the fuck ? It's fucking... the suns about to come up !

Jesse: He must have been playing VR for too long or some shit.

Parker: Yeah, that's it. It's not like I've been fucking cautious in this entire fucking shit.

Jesse: I know he's on a whole lot of different medications, but...

Parker: What kind of medications is he on ?

Jesse: He's probably just fucking with us. It's late, dude. We've all done stuff when it's late.

Pakrer: No, we haven't done stuff like that !

Parker: You're blocking the door ?

Jesse: It's almost dawn anyways. Dude, I'm telling you. It was a joke. Tomorrow's gonna come and it's gonna be like: "Whatever". There's gonna be a lot of people here and it's gonna be fine.

Parker: Yeah, we'll see.

Parker: He came in here and jumped in bed with you.

Jesse: I was that one in the bed.

Jesse: He was on me. He was on fucking top of me. Why does he say "Hook up" ? Was he trying to hook up with us ?

Parker: I told you we shouldn't have gotten here. I told you.

Jesse: We'll be out here before you know it.

Jesse: You good ? I'm just gonna put some clothes on.

Parker: Good idea.

Jesse: Put a clock in my butthole.

Jesse: A 42 year old man who has that, so, he's intresting.

Parker: Say the least.

Jesse: Good night, man.

(Next morning)

Jesse: This sucks, man. I can't stop thinking about that shit.

Parker: I told you man, this...

Jesse: Don't be like that.

Parker: Don't be like what ? This is...

Jesse: I'm telling you right now, he was joking.

Parker: You don't go around in someone's bedroom with your shirt off and "Let me sleep in bed with you !"

Jesse: We've done that before sleeping over, dude ! Friends do that shit ! We wanted the party to keep going so we jump in bed and we're like: "Hey, what's up guys ?" He was joking around !

Parker: He was talking about hooking up with you !

Jesse: He was talking about hooking up games, I think. Or he's talking about, I don't know, I think he said dabs. And he used that improperly too. So I don't know. He's kidding man, he's all jokes.

Jesse: Hey there juggies, it's your old pal Mcjuggernuggets! It's next morning, we're just chilling here with fixing sandwiches and...

Parker: What did he say about tonight ?

Jesse: He said he was gonna have company coming.

Parker: Dude, I don't wanna stay here. I don't want to stay here anymore.

Jesse: I feel bad for him because he needs somewhere to sleep and he was lonely. So he came in here with us.

Parker: Dude, he jumped in bed with you with his shirt off.

Jesse: Well, what else was he gonna do ? He didn't have anywhere to sleep !

Parker: It's not my problem.

(Later Jesse and Parker walk out of the room)

Jesse: Morning, man.

Boogie2988: Morning, Jesse. Hey, Parker. What's up, man ? Did you guys finally wake up ?

Jesse: it's 5 Pm, man.

Boogie2988: Yeah, I know. I've been up for 3 hours already. How did I sleep less than you ? That's weird.

Jesse: No, we've been up since last night.

Boogie2988: Well, I didn't see you.

Jesse: We were in the back room, Uh, just hanging out. Waiting for you.

Boogie2988: Well, that's just, not nessecary. Well, we're gonna come out and hang out.

Jesse: Well, we did some stuff to get done and still do.

Boogie2988: Well, we have some stuff to get done, Jesse. We got some games to play left and you know we're supposed to be filming. It will all be about you, dude. I need some stuff too, you know ?

Jesse: Yeah, we're Exhausted and we still have a lot of work to do. Uh, we got to edit and get a lot of footage from our time here.

Boogie2988: We're supposed to play some games too, like I promised you that this trip is relaxing and I want to relax too.

Jesse: Yeah, I know. I need to get my work done and then i'll play man. I'll play whatever.

Boogie2988: Well, don't be too long, because if we're gonna work on my channel, and if we're gonna play some games, and we have friends coming over in just a few hours, you gotta get this shit done, okay ?

Jesse: Yeah, we gotta make the best of last night. We leave tomorrow.

Boogie2988: Yeah, Well, we have a little more time, right ?

Jesse: You did book the flights, right ?

Boogie2988: Yeah, of course. I did tell you..

Jesse: What time are we leaving ?

Boogie2988: Normal times. Airplane times, when the planes are leaving.

Jesse: What does that mean ?

Boogie2988: Well, what time did you get here ?

Jesse: Like, around 4:30.

Boogie2988: Well, around then.

Jesse: Are you gonna take us to the airport ?

Boogie2988: Look up the itenery ? I'm not gonna look up the Itenery...

Jesse: We have a schedule. Are you gonna take us to the airport ?

Boogie2988: I got you a car here, I'll get you a car there.

Jesse: Are you gonna be awake ?

Boogie2988: I hadn't had any intention to sleep tonight. I thought you and I were gonna hang out all night like last night, and play some games, and have some fun. My friends are only here like 4-5 in the morning and you're trying to go to bed at midnight...

Jesse: Look, I might actually try and want to sleep tonight because we couldn't sleep last night because..

Boogie2988: Jesse, you're acting really different today. And I don't why. Last night, I want to apologize and I know I overstepped my boundaries, I know I made a mistake, I was just looking for a place to sleep, I didn't want to sleep on the couch.

Jesse: Were you trying to sleep in your wife's room again ?

Boogie2988: No, I, She hasn't come out yet and I don't know when she will. But I definitely don't want to talk about it. And I don't want that on blog. Like, you want me to put You and Juliettes Shit all over the fucking blog ?

Jesse: No, I...

Boogie2988: Right, so okay, I ask about this stuff when the cameras rolling. Okay ? You must know that i slept in my recliner last night which is terrible for my lemphadema, that's why I wanted to sleep on the bed, but that's fine. Whatever, I just won't be able to walk very well today. I don't what you to feel bad. Look, I made a mistake. I overstepped my boundaries, I haven't made it up to you today, let's play some games. Like, I just got my starter in moon, I played moon, by the way.

Jesse: No, that's fine.

Boogie2988: You didn't even touch a 3ds game. Can you get your starters ?

Jesse: We're gonna be in the back room, please knock. We're gonna make some short work and stuff, but..

Boogie2988: Please do. Like, seriously.

Jesse: Just knock.

Boogie2988: Look, everything's okay. Like seriously, everythings still okay, We can still have some fun today.

Jesse: You tried to fuck me in the ass.

Boogie2988: What the fuck does that mean ?

Jesse: Did I stutter ? you tried to put it in my butthole, dude.

Boogie2988: Well Jesse, That's incredibly fucking offensive to me. I did no such fucking thing, I tried to find a place to sleep for the night, in my own fucking home !

Jesse: Do you normally sleep with your shirt off like that ?

Boogie2988: Yeah ! They're like fucking tents Jesse ! They're like fucking tents, dude ! Of course I sleep with my fucking shirt off ! I'm not gonna get Godamn stuck in this thing ! Okay ? You were fucking sleeping your fucking underwear, Jesse !

Jesse: That's how I always...

Boogie2988: I don't want to get mad, I don't want to get mad in a fight. I wanna have some fun ! Can we please have some fun ? I didn't want to have sex with you, and you're the one who offered it to me ! I offered...

Jesse: Offered what ? I offered what to you ?

Boogie2988: What, you want to kiss me ? Remember ? You said that. You said "Oh I want to kiss you." Is it so fucking weird if you make an offer like that I say yes ?

Jesse: I offer ? What the fuck are you saying ?

Boogie2988: Of course I want to kiss you ! If someone wants to kiss me, why wouldn't I kiss them back ?! Jesus Christ, Jesse... I'm not going to kiss you ! It doesn't matter !

Jesse: Alright, we're gonna be in the back room, and just knock if you want to do a video...

Boogie2988: I wanna play some games, dude. I'm sorry.

Jesse: Yeah, true, dude.

Boogie2988: We still got a few days left !

Jesse: We leave tomorrow, dude. You already booked it, you said.

Boogie2988: Ah yes, I already booked it. Jesus fucking Christ !

(Jesse shuts door)

Jesse: Okay... (Talking to himself) We're gonna hang out here for a little bit.

Parker: I don't want to stay in here for a little bit. I wanna stay in here all night, dude. I'm not going out there.

Jesse: We have Pepole coming and there's gonna be a party here, dude. Last night, let's just play his game, or whatever, sure.

Parker: Dude, I'm uncomfortable since we got here the first day !

Jesse: I fucked up, you're right. He's just being a little weird.

Parker: A little ?

Jesse: I cannot see that.

Parker: No shit, Neither can I !

Jesse: Man, he needs a bro.

Parker: Dude, let's just leave !

Jesse: We got to get out of here, just for a little bit. We'll just get some food and just chill and just stay out for a few hours and come back for the party and last night, and then gone tomorrow.

Parker: Dude, we're just leaving. Let's go out the door.

Jesse: Well, I don't know this area dude, maybe he has suggestions, and we got to be respectful, we can't just fucking leave.

Parker: We just wanna go.

Jesse: I know. I do to.

(Jesse and Parker walk out of the room to meet Boogie in the living room)

Jesse: Boogie ? Uh,

Boogie2988: What's up, dude ?

Jesse: We just got done our work, We were maybe looking for a bite to eat, um...

Boogie2988: What ?

Jesse: Is there like Über around here ?

Boogie2988: Yeah, there's über around here. It'd take you an hour to get one and an hour to get back, because everybody's drunk on dicksons street tonight. It's Saturday night, Jesse.

Jesse: Well, could we borrow your wife's car or some shit ?

Boogie2988: Normally, I'd ask you to ask the wife, but she's not talking to me right now because of you. So...

Jesse: What ? Because of who, Me ?

Boogie2988: My fucking house guests are interrupting, you know what you've done, Jesse.

Jesse: So, can we have the keys ? Can we go out ?

Boogie2988: You know my friends are supposed to be here in an hour, right ? And a lot of them are expecting to meet you, you know that, right ?

Jesse: What are they, Juggies ?

Boogie2988: Jesse, they're my friends...

Jesse: Are they real ?

Boogie2988: What the fuck, Jesse ?! Yes, they're real ! My friend flint, who plays Francis's brother and he's comes to sit with us on the couch, we watch your videos to meet you dude !

Jesse: That's cool, we'll be back for the party, it's just we're looking for something to get...

Boogie2988: Don't you remember you picked the fucking Milplan ? And you're the only one dumb around here not eat that fuckin shit ?

Boogie2988: I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said that. I know that's offensive...

Jesse: Where the keys at ?

Boogie2988: They're in the laundry room hanging on the Mario rack, Okay ?

Jesse: Alright, it's not cool.

Boogie2988: Listen man...

Jesse: That's why I look the way I do, dude.

Boogie2988: I'm sorry, Jesse. I'm sorry. I did not mean to body shape, okay ? you can't go into the garage, Jesse !

Jesse: Whatever, man...

Boogie2988: You have to go out to the fucking porch, Jesse !

Jesse: What the fuck ? I don't want to have to go back through that, dude.

Parker: Me neither, dude.

Jesse: (Quietly) Fuck.

(Jesse and Parker walk back into the living room where Boogie is having kiss sex with Sammy and Jesse is disgusted)

Jesse: Is the door unlocked ?

Boogie2988: I don't know, try the fucking thing, dude.

(Jesse shaking the door)

Boogie2988: The top one, Jesse ! The top one !

Jesse: But it's locked, dude.

Boogie2988: Unlock it, it's a bolt, Jesse ! You're not a child. You make act like one...

Jesse: I know, but why was it locked ?

Boogie2988: I'm a Youtuber, Pepole know where I live, Jesse ! I don't want people to walk in with a gun and putting it in my face. By the way, don't be gone too fucking long, my friends are counting on you, okay ? My friends are counting on you.

Jesse: Okay, we'll be back, man.

Boogie2988: I could the report the car stolen if you're gone too long.

Jesse: What the fuck ?

Boogie2988: I won't do that, I won't do that. But just don't be gone too long. Don't take it to the fucking airport because your bags are still here.

Jesse: Jesus. Sammy, get back inside. Sammy, come on.

Boogie2988: Sammy, get in here !

Boogie2988: Be back soon, Honey !

(Jesse and Parker walk out the door)

Jesse And Parker: What the fuck ?

Jesse: Dude, it's night ! It's fucking Night !

Parker: Because he wakes up at 5 o clock every fucking day.

Jesse: Where did the day go ?

Parker: It's 6 o clock, dude.

Jesse: Dude, I just had to get out, I don't know... We'll come back. We'll be back, just later.

(Later Jesse and Parker are eating at the mall)

Jesse: I don't know what to think man. Like, Angry grandpa, Pickleboy, that was one thing, but like, Boogie, I love the man to death, but to see him acting this way, it's just freaky.

Jesse: That's true, I've met him in public, but I guess, he's a lonely dude.

Parker: He has friends over every weekend!

Jesse: I know, but for a whole week, but for a person who doesn't see daylight, and gets up at 5, it fucks through your head a little bit.

Parker: It would fuck my head too.

Jesse: after playing that Virtual Reality game last night, he lives in like different worlds, man. I think there's like an extreme version where I was playing Pyscho Kid for the Pyscho series, like it starts to effect you. Maybe he's been playing Francis for so long that it starts to fuck with his head. I don't know. That's what Pickleboy thought was wrong with me, but like, I'm fine. Boogie, man,It sucks. I hate to say it, but, I'm really weirded out.

(Later Jesse and Parker walk out of the mall to the parking lot)

Jesse: This sucks, dude. We gotta go back.

Parker: Yeah.

Jesse: It's been 2 hours now.

Parker: We walked around the mall so many fucking times.

Jesse: There's probably a lot of people there, so, it'll be better. Maybe we'll get some good party games in...

(Parker talks to Jesse which I can't understand what he said)

Jesse: Like I'm saying, he's on a lot of different medications, maybe they are effecting him, I don't know. He's been through a lot of mental stuff.

(Later Jesse drives back with Parker to Boogies house and are outside)

Jesse: I'm thinkin, if we just act like we're really tired, then we can just go to sleep. He can't fall for that, dude. We're really tired dude.

(Jesse and Parker walk back into Boogies house Where Boogie is playing a Card Game with his friends)

(Boogie notices Jesse )

Boogie2988: Hello, Jesse. I'm glad to see you're back.

Jesse: This is, Uh, this is cool.

Boogie2988: My friends are here, you're late, so...

Jesse: We got here as soon as we could. We got lost, Uh...

Boogie2988: It's only like 5 minutes to the mall.

Jesse: Well, we waited a while for the food, and, we're good, though.

Boogie2988: Jesse, I did not expect the last night to go like this, I really did not. We do need to talk, man. This whole trip has gotta be a dissapointment at this point, I feel like we haven't really got a chance to talk, we haven't really got a chance to bond.

Boogie2988: You know what, this is the right fucking setting, you want to see something ?

Jesse: Sure.

Boogie2988: Watch this.

(Boogie snaps his fingers)

Jesse: What is that ? Are you making fun of the pyscho series ?

Boogie2988: No, like, we did this for you, Jesse. Like, we planned this for you, Do you understand ? Like all of this, this whole fucking week has been about you, dude.

Jesse: That's like, what ? Plus 10 k views on this video right now.

Boogie2988: You're welcome. (Boogie talking to his friends) Just fuckin play. It doesn't matter whatever you want to do. Like Jesse...

Jesse: No, I'm not looking to party, we're tired, and we...

Boogie2988: I get the fuckin idea, Jesse. You're done with me, okay ? You know what ? I spent like, 2 Grand to get you here, and why don't you do me a favor ? Sit down and play one game with me. You weren't here for the draft, I drafted your deck, I'll teach you how to play. It's not that hard of a game..

Jesse: I heard it's pretty complicated.

Boogie2988: 30 minutes, Jesse. 30 minutes, I give you 5 days, Can you give me 30 minutes ?

Jesse: I'm tired, man. Maybe I could play tomorrow before we leave, something like...

Boogie2988: Let me ask you something. If your plane fucking leaves tomorrow, what do I get out of this trip ? You made one video. You want to do a little bit of work for me, Jesse ?

Jesse: I did a rambling video. I'll do a freakout. I'll do Pyscho kid vs Francis. I'll freakout for you, dude !

Boogie2988: How about I freakout ? How about this ? Hey, everybody ! Get the fuck out of my house ! (Everybody Starts Leaving Except Jesse and Parker) I'm done with this shit. You want to see a fucking freakout Jesse ? I'll show you what a fucking freakout looks like.

Jesse: EverybOrt doesn't need to leave right now.

Boogie2988: Oh, they're fucking used to this. Because they know the real me ! (Throws something)

Jesse: What is this about, man ? I'll do videos !

Boogie2988: I spent like, 2 grand to get you and Parker here, so we could do the videos together. We make one fucking video. 1,000 $ of Airlines tickets and fucking cars, and one video out of it ? That's the worst fucking return of my life ! In my entire fucking business, I've never spent money like that before, so you make five videos out of it ? We're supposed to fucking relax and play. I wanted to talk to you about YouTube, and you know what ? nobody else fucking gets it. None of these fucking Pepole get it. Parker doesn't get it, You don't fucking get it.

Jesse: I do fucking get it !

Boogie2988: And you're fucking scared of me ! You're talking about hiding in your room for the rest of the fucking night ?

Jesse: You gotta respect your house guests, dude ! We'll do some videos together!

Boogie2988: You ended the fucking series, Jesse ! That's what you fucking did, that's what you fucking did wrong, and that's what you need to fucking fix !

Jesse: Calm down.

Boogie2988: Jesse, I want to show you something. You see this ? These are the fan theories I've been downloading, this is the fan fiction I've been writing, this is a script I have for you right here, and there's ways to bring the series back ! What if Pyscho dad is not actually dead ?

Jesse: He is dead !

Boogie2988: What if he faked it ? What if he survived? What if you come back to the United States and you're still on trial ?

Jesse: I'm a fugitive, I'm a fugitive! It's over, Boogie!

Boogie2988: Even if you were in jail, the series could continue ! (X3) If you just look at my fucking notes ! (X3) Fucking read it, Jesse ! I want you to fucking read them !

(Still under development)