Psycho Dad Crashes WoW LAN Party/Transcript

The transcript for Psycho Dad Crashes WoW LAN Party.

Transcript
Jeffrey: (filming from the top of the stairs to the basement, and is slowly walking down) So my brother, Jesse, is having a WoW LAN party. And I keep unplugging the Ethernet cable from the router.

Jesse:This is the fourth time tonight we lost internet.

Mark: DDoS. Whatever, slow as frick.

(Jeffrey zooms in on a drawing on the blackboard with a picture of an all-seeing eye atop a pyramid. The words "MLG WoW KLAN Woah L33t Much pro Smoke weed. LOOMINERTY confirmed!!!" are written alongside it.)

Jeffrey: What the fuck is that?

Jesse: Well, usually we will get like 150 megabits per second with Comcast.

(Jeffrey is now at the foot of the stairs, filming from around a corner)

Jesse: Alright, well, assuming we get back in... We need to talk. Because Stockades should not be that hard. Let's just...

Mark: As soon as we get in, I will charge. Follow me in and just do not pull anyone.

Corn: Yeah, you need to aggro better.

Jesse: Thank you, thank you.

Mark: DPS is good.

Jesse: You got to heal better, thanks guys. No, I "Flash of Light" fine, thank you.

Mark (sees Jeffrey): Your brother is filming.

Jeffrey: Shit.

Jesse: Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, yeah, Jeffrey, come on out!

Jeffrey: Jesse. Jesse.

Jesse: You're real sneaky.

Jeffrey: I just want to be one of the bros, dude. I just want to be one of the bros!

Jesse: Look, if you actually be one of the bros, you would pull up a chair...

Jeffrey: Got some Mountain Dew! (drinks straight from the 2-liter bottle)

Jesse: Really? You didn't even pay for that shit.

Jeffrey: Oh, tastes so good. So why ain't you guys playing? You're not playing much.

Jesse: You're an asshole, dude. Well, if you look there's a Main Menu...

Jesse: Are you disconnecting us?

Jeffrey: Wha...? Wait--

Jesse: Aw, yeah. No, you're not a good liar! You're so full of shit!

Jeffrey: Did you need the cable plugged in the router?

Jesse: You're just trying to get a reaction. I'm going to calm down because I know exactly what you are trying to do. You're just ruining all of our nights.

Jeffrey: (laughs) Okay, let's just calm down...

Jeffrey Sr. (comes down the stairs): Will you knock off the noise, please? Your mother and I are trying to sleep.

Jesse: He's the one that's causing it!

Jeffrey Sr.: I don't care who's causing it.

Jeffrey: He's had a ton of Mountain Dew, dad.

Jesse: Legitimately, I am sorry. But, like, he's provoking me, and we're just trying to have fun tonight. And sometimes we get loud for communication.

Jeffrey Sr.: But I let you have your LAND party.

Jesse: Our "LAND" Party?

Jeffrey Sr.: You use our high-speed Internet.

Jesse: You don't even know what it is.

Jeffrey Sr.: I don't. I just want to go to sleep. Please, it's after midnight.

Jeffrey: Sheesh, you give this kid some Mountain Dew. He's got quite the mouth on him.

Jesse: I just want to resume playing because that's what matters. And he's filming and making a laugh-riot out of everything.

Jeffrey: (Gollum impression) That's all that matters.

Jeffrey Sr: We have to get up early because we have jobs.

Jesse: I'm sorry, what?

Jeffrey Sr: I said, we have jobs. We have schedules.

Jesse: And I don't have a job, is that what you're saying?

Jeffrey Sr.: No, you don't have a job!

Jesse: We're really going to go through this again?

Jeffrey Sr: If we have to. You're not listening.

Jesse: If you were a better dad, you would understand!

(Jeffrey Sr. walks over to Jesse)

Jeffrey: Damn.

Jeffrey Sr: I know you're trying to show off in front of your friends, now knock it off.

Jesse: I'm not trying to show off in front of my friends. You are the one coming up in my face, wagging your finger, trying to show off in front of my friends.

Jeffrey: Damn.

(Jeffrey Sr. knocks over Jesse's drink, and it spills onto his laptop.)

Jesse: Dad! Are you fucking kidding me?! Dad!

Jeffrey Sr.: You want to disrespect me?

Jesse: Look! You probably just-- You just ruined my computer! The screen just shut off!

Jeffrey Sr: Yeah! (shuts screen)

Jesse: Shit! Dad, look. You see what you're doing in front of all of my friends? You know, they already think you're crazy. Because they've seen all the videos!

Jeffrey Sr.: You guys think that I am crazy?

Jesse: Tell him! Mark, Corn! Tell him! That you think he's crazy!

Jeffrey Sr.: Seriously, do you think I'm crazy?

Jesse: Come on, guys!

(Jeffrey Sr flips over the table)

Jesse: Dad!

Jeffrey: Oh, shit!

Jesse: Holy shit!

Jeffrey: Holy shit!

Jesse: Are you fucking kidding me?!

Jeffrey Sr.: I'm going to bed!

Jesse: Not only was that my stuff, but that was theirs, too!

Jeffrey Sr.: Well, you caused this!

Jeffrey: Damn!

Jesse: You can't fucking do that! (runs towards his dad, but Mark and Corn hold him back)

Jeffrey Sr.: You caused it. You caused it.

Jeffrey: Holy shit!

Jesse: You can't do this shit!

Mark: What's the matter with you?

Jeffrey Sr.: I can do anything I want. It's my house.

Jesse: You can do anything you want? Well, you can't fuck up their shit!

Jeffrey: Fuck!

Jeffrey Sr:. (stomps on Corn's laptop) There! Take that!

Jesse: What?! That was--

Jeffrey Sr.: You'll pay for it!

Jesse: I'm going to pay for it?!

Jeffrey Sr: (to Jeffrey) And you, knock off the stinking camera!

Jesse: I'm going to pay for it?

Jeffrey Sr.: We don't need this out! We don't need this in public anywhere. Now knock it off! (walks back upstairs)

Jesse: Yeah! Yeah! No shit! Now you're finally realizing that it's all his fault!

Jeffrey: I mean, you probably should have kept it down, but...

Jesse: Shut the fuck up, dude. (lifts up table and tablecloth)

Jeffrey: Jesus.

(Jeffrey Sr. shuts door)

Jesse: Guys. Guys, I'm sorry.

(Mark and Corn lift up their laptops. Mark's shows a blank white screen, while Corn's doesn't show anything)

Jesse: Are they... are they...?

Jeffrey: Fuck, I'm sorry, man.

Mark: It has literally been pancaked.

Jesse: I am sorry. Does it still work?

Corn: Uh, yeah. I don't think so.

Mark: Your dad's retarded!

Jesse: I don't have money to--To give you guys.

Mark: Are you kidding me? (Looks at his laptop's screen, which is bent 90 degrees) The screen's not supposed to...

Jeffrey: Damn.

Jesse: I don't know dude. I don't know, dude.

(Mark softly bangs his head on the laptop screen in disappointment)

(The video ends)