Psycho Dad Chainsaws Xbox One/Transcript



This is the transcript to Psycho Dad Chainsaws Xbox One.

Transcript
(The video opens with Jesse and Jeffrey standing in Jeffrey's room, Jesse is holding the chainsaw used in the Halloween prank)

Jesse: Turn it on.

Jeffrey: Alright, alright. It's on. It's on.

Jesse: Look, I have the chainsaw from when you guys pranked me on Halloween with the ketchup and shit.

Jeffrey: Okay.

Jesse: I want to get Dad back.

Jeffrey: What are you going to do?

Jesse: I'm gonna do the same thing you guys did.

Jeffrey: Okay.

Jesse: You just have to film it and you will get good footage.

Jeffrey: Alright, yeah. Original idea, I know.

(the two start walking to their parents' bedroom)

Jeffrey: (whispering) Where's your mask?

Jesse: (whispering) I don't have one.

Jeffrey: Ketchup?

Jesse: (whispering) Could you keep it down?

Jeffrey: (whispering) Sorry.

Jesse: (whispering) I'm not going... he's going to be so pissed if I have ketchup.

Jeffrey: But it's not the same thing then.

Jesse: You have one job, okay?

Jeffrey: Okay.

Jesse: (whispering) You just have to film. I also need you to flip the switch, the light switch, when I say go, okay?

Jeffrey: What?

(Jesse gives him an irritated look)

Jeffrey: (whispering) Sorry, go.

(the two slowly enter their parents' bedroom. Jesse prepares to turn the chainsaw on, but is surprised by Jeffrey turning the bedroom light on before he was instructed to)

Jesse: What the fuck, dude? I didn't even say go!

(Jesse turns the chainsaw on, and steps towards his parents as they jump out of bed)

Jeffrey: Oh, shit!

Jeff Sr.: What are you doing?!

Theresa: Jesse!

(Jesse revs the chainsaw a few times)

Jeff Sr.: You got the blades on! The blades are on!

Jesse: What?

Jeff Sr.: Shut the blades off!

(Jesse, now panicked, shuts the chainsaw off)

Jesse: I didn't know the blades were still on!

Jeff Sr.: What are you doing?!

(Jesse puts the chainsaw down)

Jesse: I was just trying to get you back for the prank. I didn't know they were on!

Jeff Sr.: This is all because of the violence in video games, isn't it? It causes you to do stuff like this.

Jesse: What? Violence in video games?

Jeff Sr.: Yeah!

Jesse: That's what you think of when I do this?

(Jeff Sr. picks up the chainsaw)

Jeff Sr.: Yeah, normal people do not do this stuff!

Jesse: You did it to me!

Jeff Sr.: (putting his hat on) That was a joke.

Jesse: I was just trying to get you back!

Jeff Sr.: (to Jeffrey) And you're videotaping...

(he starts walking towards Jesse's room as Jesse and Jeffrey follow)

Jesse: Where are you going? Dad? Dad!

Jeffrey: He asked me to!

Jesse: What are you doing? Look, I'm sorry I woke you up, but I was just trying to get revenge, alright?

(Jeff Sr. enters Jesse's room)

Jesse: Please don't go in my room. Dad. Dad, there is a lot of stuff in here that you have no right to touch!

Jeffrey: Oh, shit.

Jesse: Alright?

Jeff Sr.: Where's the video games?

Jesse: You shre... you shredded them all! What do you mean, where are your video games?

Jeff Sr.: Where are the video games?

Jesse: I don't... I don't... I don't have any!

Jeff Sr.: You're in here twenty-four seven.

Jesse: No, no!

Jeff Sr.: You're twenty-two years old and you live in your room. Where is it?

Jesse: I sleep and I watch TV.

Jeff Sr.: Where's the video games?

Jesse: I don't play. I don't play anymore. You destroyed them. You destroyed them all.

Jeff Sr.: Where are the video games?

Jeffrey: Well, actually a lot of them are digital now.

Jesse: Are you kidding me?!

Jeff Sr.: So where are they?

Jesse: He's lying. He's just trying to get a good video.

Jeff Sr.: Where are they?

Jesse: He's just trying to get a good video...

Jeffrey: His Xbox is right there.

Jesse: Jeffrey! Jeffrey!

Jeff Sr.: This is an Xbox?

Jesse: Don't touch that! That's the Xbox One, Dad! Dad! Dad!

(He tries to retrieve it, but Jeff shoves Jesse away)

Jesse: Don't touch that shit! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! What the fuck are you doing, Dad?! Dad, what the fuck are you doing?! Dad, you're not. You're not! You're not touching this. You're not...

Jeff Sr.: Get away. Put it back!

Jesse: Are you going to chainsaw me?!

(Jeff Sr. swipes the Xbox One from Jesse's hand)

Jesse: What are you... Dad! Dad?!

(Jeff Sr. places the Xbox One vertically on Jesse's nightstand)

Jeff Sr.: Move back!

Jesse: Dad! Dad! Dad!

(Jeff Sr. attempts to chainsaw the Xbox One, but the blades are to weak to cut through the plastic casing. Jesse throws the little plush doll at Jeff Sr.)

Jeff Sr. God, I can't even cut through a stupid plastic thing.

Jesse: Dad!

(Jesse gasps in shock and Jeffrey laughs)

Jesse: It is not even... It's not funny!

(Jeffrey continues laughing)

Jesse: There's plastic everywhere! Get the fuck out of here! You think that's funny?! (Laughter) You think that's funny?! (Laughter) 2:56Oh, my God. Look at what he did! 3:00Did he break it? 3:01I don't know. 3:02He sawed it up! 3:04He sawed... What the fuck is he doing? 3:06Dad? Oh, fuck! Get out of the way. 3:08Dad? Dad! Oh, shit. 3:10Holy shit! 3:11(Screams) 3:13(Distraught Screaming) 3:14That's violence in video games. 3:19God! Why! 3:21Fuck! 3:22Fuck! 3:23Fuck! 3:24Fuck! That's violence in video games! Holy shit. 3:28What the hell is wrong with you? 3:30Master Chief! Why would you do this? Master Chief Collection! 3:33It's the only way he's gonna learn! 3:35You can't teach violence with violence! It doesn't work! 3:38That's because I have to, because you buy him stuff behind my back! 3:41You taught him how to play video games? (Door shuts) 3:43Where is he going? Yeah, it was different back then... 3:52(Cries) 3:54What the hell? 3:56Oh, little Swiss Family Jesse over here. 4:04Hey, buddy! Get the fuck out of here! 4:06Get that light out of my face! 4:08Hey, it's okay! 4:10No. 4:11No... 4:15Halo: Master Chief Collection comes out 4:17in one hour and I am not going to be able to play! 4:23It's not funny. 4:24Please. 4:25It's just a game. 4:25Please. (Helmet Drops) 4:29Turn it off... 4:30Alright, it's off. It's off. 4:35You are so full of shit. Turn it off. Please, turn it off. 4:38It's off, man. 4:40It's okay... 4:41Turn it off!