Psycho Dad Buries Video Games/Transcript

This is the transcript for Psycho Dad Buries Video Games.

Transcript
(The video opens with Jeffrey pointing the camera towards a hole dug by Jeff Sr. (through use of his backhoe). Inside the hole is a stash of Jesse's Xbox 360 games (and one of the stands they were kept on), as well as a gray-colored Psycho Dad shirt Jesse was selling online for Fathers Day)

Jeffrey: *laughs* Oh, one more thing!

(he tosses the other stand that was used to hold the games into the hole)

Jeffrey: Alright, alright. And they're all in there! *chuckles*

(he points the camera up to Jeff Sr.)

Jeffrey: Oh, he's thrilled to be here, as usual. (he points the camera at the Psycho Dad shirt)

Jeffrey: Guess who found the Psycho Dad shirt! *chuckles*

(he holds up another Psycho Dad shirt, this one being colored black)

Jeffrey: And we have it in black, too! *chuckles* Wait, hold on. Gotta do it for the camera, there's the camera.

(he throws the shirt in the hole)

Jeffrey: Yeah, there we go!

(he zooms in on the games)

Jeffrey: Oh, he's gonna miss out on all these. BLOPS 2...we got...what else we got in here? Can't really tell...fucking Saints Row, we got Halo, Banjo Kazooie. Fucking Yooka Laylee's coming out, nobody gives a shit!

(he points the camera back at Jeff Sr.)

Jeffrey: Oh man, he's gonna be so pissed off. *chuckles* Oh, well not as pissed off as this guy is right now. *laughs* Oh man, it serves him fucking right, fucking asshole. *laughs childishly* Oh man, I can't wait to see Jesse try to dig this up with a fucking spade shovel. It's gonna be fucking hilarious! *chuckles*

(Jeffrey turns around to see Jesse approaching)

Jesse: Dad!?

Jeffrey: Oh shit! *chuckles*

Jesse: What the...what the hell are you doing?!

Jeffrey: What are you doing outside, you never come outside!

Jesse: It's always a problem when you're filming! The fuck is going on here?

Jeffrey: *laughs*

(Jesse runs over to the hole and sees his games inside)

Jesse: What the hell!? Dad! Dad! What are you doing!?

(he runs over to Jeff Sr.)

Jeffrey: (in a mocking tone) What'd you do to my stash, man!? W-Where's my fucking stash!?

Jesse: Shut the fuck up!

Jeffrey: *laughs*

(Jeff Sr. gets out of the backhoe's excavator seat and switches to the other seat with the plow as he prepares to start filling the hole)

Jesse: Dr. Nelson, this isn't...she would not approve of this!

Jeff Sr.: Dr. Nelson's not here!

Jeffrey: *laughs*

Jesse: I know! I know! But you can't do this!

Jeffrey: *laughs*

Jesse: Dad!

Jeffrey: It's happening!

Jeff Sr.: You'll learn!

Jeffrey: *chuckles*

Jesse: What, I'll learn!? This doesn't teach me anything!

Jeff Sr.: What do you mean it'll not teach you anything!? You're the one who hooked up with the T-shirts, aren't ya!?

Jesse: Yeah, because I'm trying to make money, this is what it's all about!

Jeff Sr.: Yeah, disrespect me! I hope you'll go to your mom, and she'll help create a whole pile of them!

Jesse: Disrespect me? You're the one burying my games!

Jeff Sr.: Yeah, I'm burying your games, because you gotta let go!

Jeffrey: Man, you think this is like a fucking stash of drugs.

Jesse: I'm not letting you do this!

Jeffrey: *laughs*

Jesse: Dad, come on! Come on!

Jeffrey: *chuckles*

Jesse: You destroyed my games!

Jeffrey: Oh shit!

Jesse: You're ruining my life!

Jeff Sr.: I'm not ruining your life, the games are ruining your life!

Jesse: I'm trying to make money! Fuck!

(he strips down to his underwear, and jumps into the hole)

Jeffrey: *laughs*

Jeff Sr.: What the heck ails you!?

Jeffrey: What ails you? *laughs*

(Jesse starts grabbing some of his games and tossing them out of the hole)

Jeff Sr.: Let them go!

Jesse: Dad!

Jeffrey: (imitating Gollum from the Lord of the Rings (2001-2003) & The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey) There's the preciousness!

Jesse: Dad! Dad!

Jeffrey: (Gollum voice) The precious!

Jeff Sr.: Let them go!

Jeffrey: *laughs*

Jesse: I ain't doing shit! Stop fucking filming!

(he throws a game at Jeffrey)

Jeffrey: *laughs*

Jeff Sr.: Selling Psycho Dad T-shirts has droven you crazy!

Jesse: You're not burying any-- hey!

(Jeff Sr. lifts the plow on the backhoe, and starts driving forward to dump a mound of dirt being carried by it)

Jesse: What, are you going to bury me too?!

Jeff Sr.: Get out of the hole!

Jeffrey: Holy shit, I gotta get off!

Jesse: Dad!

Jeff Sr.: Who's the psycho now!?

Jesse: Dad!

Jeff Sr.: Seriously!

Jesse: You are! It's why I made a fucking shirt!

Jeffrey: Fuck, shit!

Jeff Sr.: Get out!

(Jeff Sr. starts to drop the dirt, causing Jesse to start screaming)

Jesse: DAD!!!

Jeff Sr.: (as he dumps the dirt) Get...get out of the hole!

(the dirt is dropped on Jesse as Jeffrey falls down. He gets back up and circles around the hole to spot Jesse lying motionless in the mound of dirt)

Jeffrey: What the fuck?

Jeff Sr.: Is he moving!?

Jeffrey: Holy shit!

Jeff Sr.: Dumbass...

Jeffrey: (believing Jesse is dead) Holy shit! Dude! Dude, are you alright!?

Jeff Sr.: Do you see movement!?

Jeffrey: Dude! Holy fuck!

(Jesse suddenly starts to get up, coughing up dirt as he does so)

Jeff Sr.: Good God...

Jeffrey: What the fuck...

Jesse: WHAT THE FUCK!?

Jeffrey: (laughing) Holy shit!

(he continues laughing as Jesse continues coughing up dirt)

Jesse: Fuck you, dude! Fuck, he got it all on my...

Jeff Sr.: Oh, you're alright!

Jeffrey: All Hobbits come out of the ground!

Jesse: Fucking, I gotta get out of here!

(he tries to jump out of the hole)

Jeffrey: *laughs*

Jesse: Fuck! Fuck! Fucking turn it off, now! You're not putting this on!

Jeffrey: *laughs*

Jesse: Fucking, dad, come on!

Jeff Sr.: I told you to get out of the hole!

Jeffrey: (Gollum voice) The precious! Must save the precious! Little Hobbits come out of the ground! *laughs*

(Jesse gets out of the hole and starts walking towards the pool)

Jeff Sr.: Getting away, you're all dirty!?

Jeffrey: *laughs*

(Jesse jumps into the pool)

Jeffrey: Holy shit! You feel better now?

Jesse: Fuck you!

(he splashes Jeffrey with water)

Jeffrey: Trying to get water damage on my other camera, huh?

(he gets splashed by Jesse again as he yells at him)

Jeffrey: *laughs*

Jesse: Dad! Fuck, dad! Fuck!

(he tries to get out of the pool, but falls on the ground)

Jeffrey: *bursts out laughing*

(as he continues shouting, Jesse attempts to approach the hole)

Jeff Sr.: Stay away from the hole! You learn your lesson yet!?

Jesse: Dad! I learned my lesson! I learned my less -- fuck!

Jeff Sr.: Yeah, stand by the hole, I'll bury you again!

(he dumps another mound of dirt into the hole)

Jesse: DAD!!! Fuck! Fuck!

Jeffrey: *laughs*

Jesse: Get that fucking...!

(Jesse charges at Jeffrey, but Jeffrey backs away)

Jeffrey: *laughs*

Jesse: Dad! Okay, I fucking get it!

Jeff Sr.: Get out of the way!

Jesse: I fucking get it!

(he throws a game at Jeff Sr.)

Jeff Sr.: Oh, what's that gonna do!?

(he starts to dump another mound of dirt into the hole, nearly filling it up in the process)

Jeff Sr.: Get more shirt sales!

Jeffrey: *laughs hysterically* Dude, you can't even see them, they're gone now! Why don't you get the fucking spade, and try to dig that shit up, dude?

Jesse: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Jeffrey: *laughs*

(Jeff Sr. prepares to drop another mound of dirt)

Jesse: Okay, dad! Dad!

(Jeff Sr. drops the dirt off-screen as Jeffrey focuses on the few games Jesse managed to save)

Jeff Sr.: There!

Jeffrey: Hey, you saved Halo 4 at least!

Jeff Sr.: Enjoy your games!

Jesse: What!?

Jeff Sr.: You wanna dig!? Go ahead!

(he starts to drive away)

Jesse: I fucking hate you!

Jeffrey: *laughs*

(Jesse picks up a soccer ball and throws it at Jeff Sr. It misses, resulting in Jeff Sr. swatting his hand at Jesse in disapproval)

Jeffrey: Yeah, that'll show him...that'll show him...that'll show him...*laughs*

Jesse: (voice cracking) Shut the fuck up dude.

(Jesse grabs a large stick from the dirt)

Jeffrey: Oh God, here we go!

(Jesse throws the stick at Jeffrey)

Jeffrey: *laughs* Oh shit! A little island native again! Fucking island native! *laughs*

(Jesse attempts to dig up the dirt with his hands)

Jeffrey: (mocking Jesse) I don't always come outside, but when I do...

Jesse: Could you help me!? Seriously, stop the camera and help me dig them out!

Jeffrey: *laughs* I can't help you dig them out, man, you got a problem! You could use a shovel!

Jesse: You know how much money that cost!? I fucking...

(he slams his hand on the pile)

Jeffrey: *laughs*

(Jesse throws dirt at Jeffrey)

Jesse: I hope I hit you in the fucking dick.

Jeffrey: Almost, it was down the other leg!

Jesse: I collected this for years! Xbox 360 had, like, a 10 year lifespan, and now it's all fucking buried!

Jeffrey: Not all of it!

Jesse: Could you get a shovel or something?

(Jeffrey zooms in on the games again)

Jeffrey: *chuckles* What'd you...you saved, uh...Black Ops...uh, you got Halo, Dead Rising 2, Left 4 Dead, I think you're good! You'll be okay! *chuckles*

(Jesse picks up a shirt)

Jesse: I just...dude, I was just trying to make money off merchandise...

Jeffrey: Well, Dad didn't like that very much.

Jesse: Dad wasn't supposed to know about it.

Jeffrey: Yeah...

Jesse: So...

Jeffrey: Well...he did find out! *chuckles*

Jesse: Dude, I can't wait until something shitty happens to you.

Jeffrey: Aw, that's fucked up.

Jesse: Oh, and I just got fucking buried, and that's not...

Jeffrey: Well, you shouldn't have gone in the hole when there was a backhoe in front of you.

Jesse: I'm not just gonna let him fucking bury my games. I don't care what fucking Dr. Nelson says.

Jeffrey: *chuckles*

Jesse: I'm going to the pool.

Jeffrey: Okay, you might have a game in there too, who knows?

(Jesse puts his glasses on)

Jesse: You wait, you...you wait.

Jeffrey: *chuckles*

Jesse: I'm not the only one who likes games, you asshole.

(Jesse jumps into the pool)

Jeffrey: (in a high pitched voice) And here I go! And there go my balls!

(The video ends)