PSYCHO DAD VS ANGRY GRANDPA!/Transcript

This is the transcript of the video ''[http://psychokid.wikia.com/wiki/PSYCHO_DAD_VS_ANGRY_GRANDPA! PSYCHO DAD VS ANGRY GRANDPA!]''

Transcript
Jesse: Hey there Juggies, it's your old pal McJuggerNuggets here. It is like 78 degrees out right now...

Parker: It's -- it's nice out today. It's windy, but it's nice.

Jesse: It is a new day... (to Parker) Um, I dunno about you, but I feel well-rested, finally.

Jesse: Cuz we were fucking -- last night was ridiculous, we were sleep-deprived, I mean...

Jesse: Good point. Um, but -- oh! (he turns the camera to reveal Jeffrey Ridgway Sr. walking towards them) There he is! Ooh! Windy as shit right now. Here you go dude...

(he gives Parker the camera and they walk towards Jeffrey Sr.)

Jesse: Our room's right back there...

Jeffrey Sr.: Can I put my shit in there? I just got in.

Jesse: Yeah.

Jeffrey Sr.: I got a car too, but...

Jesse: You rented one?

Jeffrey Sr: Yeah, I rented one.

Jesse: Ok...

Jeffrey Sr.: Did you talk to them yet today?

Jesse: No, I haven't -- we haven't heard a thing.

Jeffrey Sr.: Nothing at all?

Jesse: No.

Jeffrey Sr.: We gotta go talk to 'em now.

Jesse: I mean the video's not -- ok.

Jeffrey Sr.: Alright?

Jesse: Yep.

Jeffrey Sr.: (while walking past them) It's bullshit. I can't believe this even happened...

(The video cuts to the three driving into a neighborhood. The car takes a left turn onto Angry Grandpa's street.)

Jesse: -- turn here.

Jeffrey Sr.: This one?

Jesse Left, yeah, yeah. Pretty sure... Yep! Ok...

Jeffrey Sr.: Right or left, right or left?

Jesse: Ok, now you gotta slow down. (he points to Grandpa's car) Uh... See the car?

(A second car is parked on the street.)

Jeffrey Sr.: I see cars...

Jesse: Wait, fuck... Are you fucking kidding me? That's Pickleboy's!

Jeffrey Sr.: Which is it?

Jesse: That's Pickleboy's shit. Bridgette must've drove him here.

Jeffrey Sr.: This one?

Jesse: Yeah...

(Jeffrey Sr. pulls the car into the driveway)

Jesse: Shit, dude! I dunno about this, cuz now Pickleboy's gonna be here.

Jeffrey Sr.: (unbuckling his seat belt) We're here, that's all that matters. I don't care who's in there.

Jesse: I mean, it does matter, cuz he's not gonna shut the fuck up...

Jeffrey Sr.: No, it doesn't.

Jesse: He's gonna be so pissed at me... It was just a prank...

(The three exit the vehicle. Jeffrey Sr. heads towards the front door while Jesse calls after him.)

Jesse: Hold on, what are we even saying when we get in there? Hold on, hold on!

Jeffrey Sr.: I'll figure it out... You guys aren't coming with me. Stay out here.

Jesse: What?

Jeffrey Sr.: You heard me, stay out here. I'll handle it.

Jesse: I'm coming in... Dad, I can han -- I can handle this shit myself.

Jeffrey Sr.: I'm here, I'll handle it.

Jesse: I know. Let's double-team it.

Jeffrey Sr.: No. No, just stay out here. Alright?

Parker: (to Jesse) That's enough. Let's just let him...

Jesse: I know, I --

Jeffrey Sr.: Stay back.

Jesse: Alright, well...

(Jeffrey Sr. knocks on the door)

Jesse: I'm just saying, I don't think he's really ready for it...

Parker: Probably... I don't...

Jesse: Here, can you hold this?

(He gives Parker the camera)

Parker: That's fine...

Jesse: I'm --

(He cuts himself off as Jeffrey Sr. knocks on the door again. Jesse and Parker retreat to the car as Michael opens the door.)

Jeffrey Sr.: (to Michael) You gonna let me in?

Jesse: (to Parker) Let's... Let's hang out back here...

Jeffrey Sr.: You gonna let me in? I need to talk to Grandpa.

(Jeffrey Sr. enters Grandpa's house, and Jesse pulls out his phone. Parker steps out from behind the car.)

Jesse: Come on -- I don't want him to see us, dude. They're gonna fucking...

(Parker lifts the camera over the car to see the house. Jeffrey Sr. and Charles Green can be heard arguing from inside. Jesse is visibly nervous.)

Parker: Shit, dude...

Jesse: Fuck, man... We ditched that gun, right?

Parker: Yeah, I don't fucking know where it is.

Jesse: Fuck, where did I put that...?

(The argument from inside the house intensifies, although it remains difficult to follow)

Jesse: (sighs) Fuck... I'm gonna go on YouTube. Everyone's talking about YouTube being broken right now. Jesus fuck... (gestures towards the house) And we couldn't handle that?

(The video cuts to short time later. Jeffrey Sr. and Charles are now shouting at each other, and now Michael's voice is clearly audible.)

Michael: (inside the house, to Charles, yelling) I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU, HERE!!!

Charles: (inside the house) I DON'T NEED NO HELP, YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

Jesse: Should we go in there, dude?

(Audio from [KID BROKE INTO MY SHED!] suddenly plays on Jesse's phone, drowning out Parker's reply)

Parker: (referring to the video) That's an honest mistake, though.

Jesse: What?

Parker: That we though it was that...

Jesse: I mean, I still don't believe it's a fucking comic book... (reacting to the video) Oh God...

(The video cuts to the end of the argument between Jeffrey Sr. and Charles)

Charles: (inside the house) WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?!

Michael: (inside the house) Jeff, you're gonna get into a fight! I'm not gonna put up with this, just go! GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE, JEFF!!!

(Jesse ignores them and continues playing the video, stopping it when he notices something suspicious)

Jesse: Pool house?

Charles: (inside the house) WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO?

Jeffrey Sr.: --fucking crazy! You're all fucking crazy!

Charles: GET OUTTA HERE!

Jesse: (to Parker) Should we check the pool house?

(Jeffrey Sr. is seen leaving the house, and Charles comes out after him)

Michael: (inside the house) Dad! Get in here!

Charles: (to Jeffrey Sr.) I ain't scared of you, man! Get the hell outta here!

Michael: Dad, get inside!

Jeffrey Sr: You know I ain't scared, but I'm on your property. That's why I'm backing off.

Charles: Get off my property!

Michael: Dad! Get inside!

(Charles turns to go in the house, and Jeffrey Sr. returns to the car)

Jeffrey Sr.: Fake-ass motherfuckers!

Charles: Yeah, I got you! Right here! Right here!

Jeffrey Sr.: Ah, baby food, buddy! Baby food!

Michael: Dad, get in the house! Just shut the door!

Charles: And take... (inaudible) ...piece of shit with ya!

Jeffrey Sr.: Ah, play with it longer! It'll grow! (to Jesse) Get the hell outta here, come on!

(He opens the car door)

Jesse: Are you fucking driving?

Jeffrey Sr.: Yeah, I'm safe. Get the hell out, let's go!

Jesse: Well?

Jeffrey Sr.: It's handled. Get in the car!

Jesse: What do you mean, it's fucking... Could we...

Jeffrey Sr.: Could we what?

Jesse: I was just watching a video... Did they say their shit was fake, or what?

(Jesse and Parker enter the car)

Jesse: Did they say they were sorry?

Jeffrey Sr.: No, they didn't say it was fake! But they're fucked-up people, I'm telling you right now.

Jesse: Well, I think we should make a pit stop at Pickleboy's house.

Jeffrey Sr.: Why???

Jesse: Cuz I just heard something about a pool house. They're hiding some shit.

(He turns the camera to reveal Michael walking towards them holding his own camera)

Jesse: Oh, Jesus fuck... Yeah. Yeah, turn the car on!

Michael: What the hell is your problem?!

(Jeffrey Sr. starts the car and rolls down the window)

Jeffrey Sr.: (to Michael) We're outta here, all right?

Jesse: Dude, you don't fucking talk to my dad like that!

Jeffrey Sr.: Yeah, what ails you? Why you gotta do shit to me like that for, I can't --

Michael: You're gonna come into my house like this and get...

Jeffrey Sr.: I came in to talk like a normal human being!

Jesse: Dad, Dad. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go!

Michael: Go, please go.

Jesse: We're fucking going. Let's go

Michael: Oh, I can film too. (raises his camera)

Jesse: (softly) Let's go to the pool house...

Michael: Yeah, I can film too.

Jeffrey Sr.: You're all messed up, man. I'm telling you.

(He starts pulling out of the driveway)

Jesse: Pool house. Pickleboy's pool house, all right?

Jeffrey Sr.: Let's head there, let's head there...

Michael: What?

Jesse: (mockingly) What?

Michael: What?

Jesse: Fuck you. Fucking talking to my family like that.

Michael: (calmly) Ok... (then yells) GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!

(They drive off)

Jeffrey Sr.: My God, they're fucked up people...

Jesse: Yeah. I'll tell you where to go...

(The video cuts to later in the drive. Jesse has the camera pointed at his face)

Jesse: What was Grandpa saying?

Jeffrey Sr.: He is a fricking crazy man, I'm -- I dunno what the hell he... Y'know, I couldn't understand half the shit he said!

Jesse: Oh, so you believe me now?

Jeffrey Sr.: Oh, I believe ya. I believe they're messed up! Is it this way? Right?

Jesse: Actually -- yeah. Actually, fuck. You know what? Michael was in there. Michael was in there, so he probably put him up to all that shit.

Jeffrey Sr.: I bet he did...

(The back door is suddenly forced open, and Michael enters the pool house. He immediately becomes visibly exasperated.)

Michael: Aw...

Jesse: Look, dude. We're just popping off... We're just pop -- I don't know who's living here, we're just popping off some video, man.

Michael: (noticing the damaged object) Dude...

Jeffrey Sr.: It was an accident. That -- there... (stammers) That was an accident.

Michael: You're breaking shit? Like what the hell, dude? (to Jesse) And you pulled a gun on my dad!

Jesse: What's... What's in the safe, Mike? That little...little briefcase, little suitcase...

Michael: Lemme tell you something, dude --

Jesse: Get that fucking camera out of my face!

(He grabs the camera from Michael and slams it onto the floor.)

Jesse: Don't fucking film me!

(Michael enters a fighting stance and storms towards Jesse, who gets defensive.)

Jesse: You wanna fucking go, dude?!

Michael: (yells angrily) YEAH, I DO!!! I DO!!!

(Jesse and Michael starts fighting, grabbing, pushing, pulling, punching, and yelling)

Jeffrey Sr.: Woah, woah, woah!

(He tosses a microwave onto the floor.)

Jeffrey Sr.: Knock it off! Bullshit, knock it off!

Jesse: Back the fuck up, dude.

(Jesse pushes Michael)

Michael: I'll knock you out...

Jesse: Yeah, bro.

Jeffrey Sr.: Nothing! No more.

Michael: What's your problem—

Jeffrey Sr.: You know why you're in here, either one of them!

Michael: I'd... There's something wrong with you, there's something wrong with the all of you!

Jesse: He's pissed off, because your videos are so fake as shit! And you're keeping secrets? And you're fucking dad—

Michael: (yelling angrily) WHAT SECRETS?!?!

Jesse: Your vids' are fake and something's going on. What's going on, Mike? How do you fucking say it???

Michael: You need to back the fuck up...

Jesse: My dad will start breaking shit, you don't wanna push us. You wanna fight, i'll fucking fight dude. I'll fucking go! I will usually—

(Jeffery Sr. throws the Flowers on the floor)

Jeffery Sr.: (yelling) Cut it out!

(Charles knocks on the door)

Jesse: The fuck is this?

Charles (muffled): Hey!

(Michael opens the door for Charles)

Jesse: Jesus Christ...

Michael: They've snapped!

Jesse: The fuck are you doing...?

Michael: They're destroying Charlie's room, dude!

Charles: Who's room?

Michael: Charlie's... Charlie's room!

Charles: Charlie's room?

Michael: They destroyed the...

Charles: Woah, Woah, Woah!

Jeffery Sr.: That was an accident... for provoking the other shit!

Charles (gibberish): You mean blah blah blah, he was doing blah blah, to goddamn, that shit?

Michael: Yes! This is Charlie's room. Look what he did to it.

Jeffrey Sr.: He started it! All by fucking screaming and hollering at me the whole goddamn time!

Charles: Man, God damn this shit!

Michael: (to Charles) WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

(Charles grabs a lamp and hurls it across the room. It bounces off the TV cabinet and shatters into pieces on the floor.)

Jeffrey Sr.: Jesus fuck! See, that's what I mean!

Charles: There's the goddamn lamp!

(Jeffrey Sr. mutters inaudibly as he shatters a vase on the floor of the room. Michael shrieks in horror.)

Jesse: The fuck is going on?!

Charles: (to Jeffrey Sr.) What do you think you're doing?!

Jeffrey Sr.: Yeah, you wanna bust stuff, I'll bust stuff!

Jesse: Did you just throw that shit at me?!

Charles: God damn!

Michael: (yells high pitch like a death metal singer) CHILL!!!

(Charles picks up a nearby table and slams it onto the floor, shattering the glass. Jeffrey Sr. picks up a second table and does the same.)

Jeffrey Sr.: Everybody can fucking do that shit!

Charles: Yeah I know, anybody can goddamn do it!

Jesse: Get the fuck away from me! (as Jeffrey Sr. shoves the couch aside) Jesus fuck! Dad!

Charles: Charlie's room! Charlie's room!

Michael: (continues yelling like a death metal singer) WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!

Jesse: Calm down...

Jeffrey Sr.: (to Charles) All you do is fucking yell all the time!

Charles: (pointing at Jesse) If he hadn't goddamn pointed a gun at me, this wouldn't have goddamn happened!

Jeffrey Sr.: What the hell are you even saying??? See, that's why I can't believe any of this shit, 'cause I can't hear a fucking thing!

Jesse: Fuck, Dad, just calm down!

Charles: Man, fuck this shit!

(He slams a Christmas tree onto the floor, shattering the ornaments. Jesse grabs a safe hidden behind it.)

Michael: OH MY GOD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!

Jesse: (as Jeffrey Sr. makes a grab for the safe) No, Dad! This is safe, we need that!

(Charles throws and unplugs the PS4 from the wall and slams it onto the ground. Jeffrey Sr. tosses the safe at the TV cabinet.)

Michael: OH GOD!!! THE PS4!!! (screams)

Charles: (to Jeffrey Sr.) Hey! Hey, old man!

Jeffrey Sr.: (hits the PS4 with the safe) What?!

Charles: Come here!

Jeffrey Sr.: What?

Charles: Get that motherfucker!

Jeffrey Sr.: Fucking -- !

(They both grab hold of the TV and throw it against the wall, and it violently falls to the floor.)

Jeffrey Sr.: Jesus fuck, you're crazy!

Jesse: Dad!

(Jesse and Michael watch in horror as Charles knocks over the TV cabinet. Jeffrey Sr. slams the TV onto the cabinet, putting a hole in it.)

Jesse and Michael together: DAAAD!

Jeffrey Sr.: Fucking shit!

Charles: Goddamn bullshit!

(Jeffrey Sr. slams a cabinet door onto the floor, breaking it)

Charles: What do you think you're doing?!

Jeffrey Sr.: Busting this shit up! If you can do it, I can fucking do it! (inaudible)

(Charles picks up the safe, but Jesse grabs it from him. Jeffrey Sr. tosses a table over the couch.)

Jesse: Dad!

Michael: GOD!

Charles: (to Jesse) GET OUT OF MY WAY!

Jesse: Get the fuck away from me!

Jeffrey Sr.: Fucking shithole.

(Charles smashes a drawer on the floor, startling Jesse.)

Jesse: HOLY SHIT! Holy shit! Michael, tell your dad to fucking calm down!

Michael: DAAAD!!!

(As Charles slams another table onto the floor, Jeffrey Sr. throws the PS4 at the mirror on the wall, shattering the glass. Michael shrieks again.)

Jesse: Dad!

Michael: STOP!!!

Charles: Charlie's room!

Michael: (hysterically yelling like a death metal singer) THE COPS ARE GONNA COME!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!

Jeffrey Sr.: (raged) What's wrong with us?! What's wrong with you?!

Charles: What's wrong with you?!

Jeffrey Sr.: Ain't a goddamn thing wrong with me! (kicks the microwave) Ain't nothing wrong with me! You guys provoked this bullshit! I try to fucking talk, and this is what happens!

(Charles flips over the TV cabinet, dismantling it.)

Charles: Lemme tell you -- no, lemme tell you! (to Michael) Charlie's room!

Michael: He don't wanna stay at your house, 'cause you're crazy! Look at this! (to Jeffrey Sr.) You're both crazy!

Jeffrey Sr.: I don't blame him for not wanting to stay with him, he is fucking crazy!

(Charles and Jesse shout over each other)

Michael: You better get the hell out of his face!

Jesse: He pulled the fucking trigger on me, dude.

Michael: YOU PULLED A GUN ON HIM!

Charles: (to Jesse) YEAH! (to Michael) Shut up! Charlie's room.

Jeffrey Sr.: Bullshit, you're all fucking nuts!

Michael: Stop!

(Charles smashes the mirror frame as Jeffrey Sr kicks the microwave across the floor)

Jeffrey Sr.: I can do it just as good as you can! Dumb fucking shit... You guys are frickin' nuts!

(Charles throws something at him)

Michael: Dad, just go! Just go home, I don't need you here if you're gonna be doing this!

Charles: You know what? I have had it with fucking all of you!

Jesse: Get away from me. Stay away from me!

Charles: Yeah, you better back outta my way!

Jeffrey Sr.: Back away from him! If you're leaving, leave!

Charles: What're you gonna do?! (flips everybody off)

Michael: Dad, just go!

Jesse: Dad, leave him alone. He's just a fucking pathetic old man.

Charles: I'm a WHAT?

Jesse: I...nothing.

Charles: All of y'all can kiss my ass. (he storms out, slamming the door shut)

Jesse: (after Charles leaves) I'll fucking kick your ass...

Jeffrey Sr.: (to Michael) What do you expect? Honestly, what did you expect? The man pulled a fucking gun on him and pulled the trigger!

Michael: The man who pulled the gun was your son!

Jeffrey Sr.: It wasn't a real gun, and he did it! He pulled the trigger and fucking could have killed him!

Jesse: Where the fuck are you going?

(Michael ignores Jesse and exits the room without a word. Jeffrey Sr. shakes his head. The video cuts to Charles and Michael outside.)

Michael: I need you here.

Charles: Bullshit, I'm gone! Hell with you! Go take care of Charlie's room.

Michael: I need you here with me.

(Charles ignores him and walks to his car.)

Charles: Kiss my ass. You and that goddamn pencil-dick...McChicken-Nut, or whatever the hell he is. (gets in his car)

Michael: Get away from me, Parker.

(Parker enters the pool house, where Jesse and Jeffrey Sr. are arguing.)

Jeffrey Sr.: ...last time, that's all I did!

Jesse: Yeah, but look what you fucking did!

Jeffrey Sr.: They drove me to it!

Jesse: What do you mean, "they drove you to it?!"

Jeffrey Sr.: I know I got anger issues! I know it!

Jesse: Yeah, that's why I made a whole fucking series about it. (to Michael) I'm sorry, man... Mike, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about all this...

Michael: I thought it was all fake!

Jesse: I...

Charles: (in the distance) FUCK ALL Y'ALL!

Michael: I thought Psycho Dad was a character! What is this?!