Psycho Dad Pounds Nintendo DS/Transcript

(The video opens in Jesse's room, early in the morning.)

Jesse: Hey there, Juggies! It's your old pal, McJuggerNuggets, here. And this is the start to the London Vlogs! I cannot wait to show you guy--

Jeff Sr: (calling to Jesse) Come on, you are always late!

Jesse: Yeah, I'm coming! I'm just filming stuff for the video! ...Shit. Got that, got that...

Jesse: (to Jeffrey) Hey, can you help me with this stuff?

Jeffery: Oh, you want me to take this off your hands? (takes the camera from Jesse)

Jesse: No, not the camera.

Jeffrey: (in a British accent) Aw, are you ready for your trip across the pond?

Jesse: Yeah, and you're not going, asshole.

Jeffrey: Aw, that's okay. But I'll help ya...carry your bags though.

(the two walk to the back door and meet Jeff Sr.)

Jeff Sr: What do you got? Jesus.

Jesse: I got my camera bag and my luggage.

Jeff Sr: You pack like a woman!

Theresa: You don't have to be so mean.

Jeffrey: He needs all his things.

Jesse: You know, I'm getting that camera on the way there, because I'm taking it with me.

Jeffrey: Yeah, you are going to get it on the way there. Yeah.

(the family walks outside to the car)

Jesse: Mom, could you carry this for me?

(the video cuts to the family driving to the airport. Jeffrey is filming Jesse playing his Nintendo DS.)

Theresa: (to Jeff Sr) When you go over there, don't go to the bars, okay?

Jeffrey: Playing his little DS right there. Playing little Mario Brothers.

Jeff Sr: (to Theresa) I don't have enough with me to go to the bars.

Jeffrey: That's my own. (imitates Gollum from Lord Of The Rings) My own. My precious.

(Jesse notices Jeffrey filming)

Theresa: You're always filming each other.

Jesse: Are you filming me right now?

Jeffrey: No. How many stars do you have?

Jesse: Dude, I am literally just playing DS. I have 114, actually.

Jeff Sr: Filming each other?

Jeffrey: Just playing DS? Yeah.

Jeff Sr: Will you two knock it off back there?

Jesse: He's filming me while I'm playing DS. It doesn't even make any sense.

Jeff Sr: Leave him alone.

Jeffery: Yeah, just the DS. Not a 3DS!

Jesse: You're just bored.

Jeff Sr: God.

Jeffery: Say...you got dust on your hands from that dinosaur you are playing?

Jesse: What, Yoshi?

Jeffery: Oh, Yoshi.

(they arrive at the airport)

Jeffery: Oh, Jesse. Don't you want to put it down so you- (Jesse gives Jeffery a mean look) Jeffery: Oh. My. God. He is furious right now. (Jesse gives Jeffery the ring finger)

Jeffery: Oh, that was his ring finger.

Jeffery: You going to get married while you are over there on the British Isles.

Jesse: You know...nobody can even hear you because there are so many cars coming. I'm glad!

Jeffery: (Sarcastically) OH, WAH! WAH!

But seriously, you going to do something?

Jeff Sr.: Come on, let's go. Put the game away. Let's go. (Theresa hugs Jesse) Jesse: Bye Mom.

Jeffery: Aw, look. He is like, "Oh, wait. Can I still play my games?"

Can I still play my games?

Jesse: Oh, I love my Mom. Whoop-dee-freaking-doo. (Jeffery laughs)

Jesse: Alright, guys. I got control of the camera now. Me and my Dad got like maybe 1 to 2 hours-

Jeff Sr.: Could you dress better than that?

You look like a freaking slob.

Jesse: Since when do you care how I dress?

Jeff Sr.: You are going to a TV show.

So you want to dress a little better than sweats.

Jesse: Yeah... Yeah I can dress up... Maybe I want to support Master Chief who is on my shirt, you don't even know.

Jeff Sr.: That's alright to support him, but jeez you look like a freaking slob.

Jesse: He's a better man than you will ever be...

Jeff Sr.: Yeah, that's real nice.

(Cuts to the plane)

Jesse: Now are we ready to need to take turns holding the camera.

So we can document the trip, but I also want to be in front of it too. (Opens up Nintendo DS)

Jeff Sr.: I'll hold the camera. You always want to be in front of the camera.

Jesse: Yeah. It's my Youtube Channel.

Jeff Sr.: You're kidding me. You want me to hold this camera so that you can play video games?

Jesse: Yeah, why not?

Jeff Sr.: You can't go 7 hours without playing?

Jesse: I mean it's a long-ass flight, what the hell else am I going to do?

(Cuts to Hotel)

(Walking through hotel hallway)

(Then cuts to hotel room)

Jesse: Guys, I just realized I can't even charge my DS with these plugs.

(Jeff Sr. unzipping luggage)

They have like these like washing machine plugs. It's not even normal.

(They walk around London)

(Scene cuts to restaurant Jesse zooms in on Jeff Sr.)

Jeff Sr.: Would you turn the camera off, please? It's all the time... (Shakes head)

(Scene cuts to Hotel room)

Jesse: Hey guys, it's the end of the first night.

I am pretty exhausted.

And just to make matters worse, I have to share a bed with my Dad.

Jeff Sr.: Yeah, it's bullshit. Turn the light off.

Jesse: And see what I mean?

(Jesse puts down camera and takes clothes and glasses off except underwear gets into bed)

Jesse: Expected this room to be a bit bigger.

Jeff Sr.: Seriously, you're not getting in bed like that with no clothes on, are you?

Jesse: Like what? I have boxer-briefs on. Like 90% of males wear this shit.

Jesse: And god forbid I'm comfortable at bedtime.

(Jeff Sr. Turns off light)

Jeff Sr.: Goodnight!

(Jesse turns on light and grabs his DS and flips the screen open and turns it on) (Jeff Sr. Is awakend by the noise)

Jeff Sr.: Seriously, what the hell are you doing?

Jesse: I'm playing DS. I do this every night. It's therapeutic.

Jeff Sr.: Come on. Cut us a break and just go to sleep. Jeez. You come on this trip and you want to play the freaking game at night.

Jesse: Yeah, we're not doing anything. We're in the freaking hotel room.

Jeff Sr.: It does not matter, Jess. Come on.

(Cuts to next day with shot of pigeons)

(Cuts to London Eye)

Jesse: Remember when Kate broke one of these?

Jeff Sr.: Yeah, she was kind of nuts.

Jesse: I'll spread my butt cheeks for Shrek. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.

Jesse: Foolish Englishmen leaving their light switches on the outside of the bathroom. My Dad is getting a shower, I am going to shut the light off on him.

(Turns Off Light)

Jeffrey Sr.: "YO! You wanna turn the freaking light back on?I am going to fall and bust my ass!"

Jesse: (Laughs)

(Dramatic Music)

Jeffrey Sr: Is this all you've been doing all day?

Jesse: Yeah.

Jeff Sr: Can't you go outside? I've been video-taping all day.

Jesse: I'm outside in the game.

Jeff Sr.: Yeah, big deal. I've been out all day video-taping.

Jesse: Good, that's what I wanted you to do.

Jeff Sr.: London Bridge. Buckingham Palace.

Jesse: Yeah, it's cold and raining. Why would I go outside and expose myself to that shit?

Jeff Sr.: But who cares about the weather? You got...You're in London, Jess. Come on! Seriously!

Jesse: So? And I'm in Mario World and I am exploring things in here. What does it matter if I go see some buildings? That's what I want to know for sure.

Jeff Sr. It matters a lot. At least you could have been out with me.

Jesse: Well, I don't want to be out with you. I want to be in here.

Jeff Sr.: But it's bullshit. That game does nothing for you. Get out there and meet people! Yeah.

Jesse: Yeah, actually I progressed a lot and I met people in-game.

Jeff Sr.: Don't get so loud. There's other people in here!

Jeff Sr.: I know you don't care. Because you're only involved in that stupid game.

Jesse: It is not stupid if you only realize that...

Jeff Sr.: It is stupid!

(Grabs DS from Jesse)

Jesse: Give me that shit!

Jeff Sr.: You're done!

Jesse: Dad! Dad! Dad, really? Half-way across the world and you're going to fucking destroy my - DAD!

(Jeff Sr. Stomps DS with his foot then hits it against bathroom counter)

Jesse: Dad, you can't curb-stomp! Holy shit!

(Puts DS in bath tub)

Jesse: Dad. Dad. NO!

(Turns on water drenching DS)

Jesse: (squealing) Dad!

Jesse: (Gasps) Holy shit. Dad.

Jeff Sr.: Hey! Hey! Here's your camera. (Throws Camera)

Jesse: What?... OH! Dad! Dad!

(Jeff Sr. Leaves and closes door)

Jesse: You're lucky! You're lucky this isn't broken! (takes off glasses) Shit! (sighs) God. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. (Turns Water off) Fuck. (Tries to grab DS but it shocks him) Ow, shit! It shocked me. I can't deal with this! I don't know, guys. I don't know. Sometimes... I just wish he didn't exist...Is that- Is that bad? I do not know. I was having a good time until that happened, but... I don't know. I just wish he was dead.

(Video Ends)