Psycho Uncle Impacts Pool/Transcript

(video starts with Corn filming Demma, which is on Jesse's bed)

Corn: Dude, please tell me you're not sleeping with this thing!

Jesse: Get the fuck over it. I'm serious, I'm at my wit's end right now with people hating on Demma. I don't see what the big deal is, it's like a fucking stuffed animal, and guess what? My dad threw out damn near everything! So I don't have my fucking belly button worms in here! Those are me and Juliette's like relationship presents to each other for the last two and a half years. It's not like, you're telling me you wouldn't sleep with this that?

Corn: I can't say that I would.

Jesse: They're actually, uh, we had a little puppet show-(Jesse's phone starts ringing) Fuck it. We orchestrated a little puppet show last night, and there's, there's nothing else-(he puts down Demma) I'll have to show it to you later, it's pretty good. (he gets out his phone) Demma got really into it.

Corn: I bet.

(Jesse answers the phone and puts it on speaker)

Jesse: Hey!

Uncle Larry (via phone): Jesse! Could you open this gate up here?

Jesse: Are you at my house, right now? (he looks out the window)

Uncle Larry (via phone): Yeah, I'm outside your house, can you open this fucking gate?

Jesse: Yeah, geez, whoa. I didn't even know you were coming over. I called you last night!

Uncle Larry (via phone): Yeah, I know. I heard your voicemail last night, and I think I need to speak to your fucking dad-

Jesse: Okay, okay. Alright. Hold on, I need to get the clicker. (grabs his clicker) I wish I could give you the code but my dad never gave me that, I don't know what it is.

Uncle Larry (via phone): Where's your dad at, right now?

Jesse: Uh, well that's the thing, actually, I don't think it's a good idea that you're here.

Uncle Larry (via phone): Why's that?

Jesse: He said he doesn't want you over here, he doesn't want to see you, he doesn't want you to see me, he doesn't want you here.

Uncle Larry (via phone): I don't give a fucking shit about that! Is he, is he home?

Jesse: I don't know, hold on, let me go and check his little security camera shit. (he walks into his dad's room and looks at his TV) Oh, I can see you right-Uncle Larry, what are you-

Uncle Larry (via phone): Can you see?

Jesse: Yeah, why are you in your truck? (we see Uncle Larry in his truck through the security system)

Uncle Larry (via phone): Because it's my truck, what the fuck are you talking about?

Jesse: Because it doesn't work, we could even move the trailer because it doesn't work, I thought the brakes were broken.

Uncle Larry (via phone): It does work, I got here didn't I? Now just open the fucking gate up, will you?

Jesse: It's just my-I shouldn't, because my dad's gonna be pissed. My dad's gonna be pissed off if you're here.

Uncle Larry (via phone): Where's your dad at?

Jesse: I don't-he's not, I. I think he might be working on the pool or something. I think.

Uncle Larry (via phone): Really? Alright, well, hey! Open this fucking gate up, will you?

Jesse: Alright, calm down! I just want to make sure my dad doesn't know you're here! I mean, what are you even-why are you even here? I don't-

Uncle Larry (via phone): I don't give a shit whether he sees that I'm here or not! Now will you open this fucking gate up?

Jesse: I just feel very uncomfortable, I don't want to get in trouble, I don't want to get in troub-

Uncle Larry (via phone): Just open the gate, Jesse! I don't give a shit about what I ever do-would you? Would you trust me? For once in your life, would you fucking trust me?

Jesse: I do, I-

Uncle Larry (via phone): I've trusted you before, Jesse, right?

Jesse: Yeah.

Uncle Larry (via phone): Trust me with this! I trusted you with the camper and you put the fucking camper on Melissa's property! Now will you open this fucking gate up?

Jesse: ''Okay! Alright!'' (he clicks his clicker) I'm trying to click it right now! (he succeeds) There.

Uncle Larry (via phone): You might want to come outside for this.

Jesse: What? Come outside for what? I don't want you causing a big scene, Uncle Larry.

(Uncle Larry hangs up)

Jesse: He just hung up.

(Uncle Larry reverses to the very back of the driveway, to get additional speed for what he's about to do)

Jesse: Fuck. Yo, fuck. What the fuck is he doing? (he runs to the door in the kitchen) What the fuck does that even mean? (he looks around then walks outside, he is walking down the sidewalk, and Uncle Larry is speeding into the driveway) Uncle Larry? (Uncle Larry drives through the fence, Jeffrey Sr. runs, and Larry crashes into the pool, causing a huge impact) ''Holy shit! Aah! (the back garden floods) No! Ah! Agh! (he walks towards Uncle Larry's truck) Oh fuck! Holy shit! Agh! (he sees Uncle Larry knocked out through his truck window) Uncle Larry! (he opens the truck door) Holy shit! Holy shit! Ugh, holy fuck! Uncle Larry! Uncle Larry, are you alright? (he drags him out the truck) Holy shit! Fuck! Fuck! ''

(Jeffrey Sr walks over)

Jeffrey Sr: What the fuck ails you two?

Jesse: Help me!

Jeffrey Sr: What the hell was that?

Jesse: ''Dad! Help!''

Jeffrey Sr: Get that piece of shit out of my yard!

Jesse: ''Dad, help! He's hurt! He's hurt! Uncle Larry! Hold on! Hold on! Are you alright? Are you okay? Are you breathing? You good? Uncle Larry! Fuck! Fuck! I'm gonna get you out of here! Come on! Fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Fuck! (he screams) Uncle Larry, are you alright? Fuck, fuck, okay, okay! DAD! Oh fuck, holy fuck! I've got you! Ugh! Please! Please! Please! Please! Come on! Are you with me? Please! You okay? You breathing? You good? Uncle Larry? Uncle Larry! Fuck, fuck! Dad! DAD! Okay, fuck, fuck! Okay, fuck! What do we do? What do we do? (he checks for breathing) ''Oh, wait, hold on! He's breathing! Uncle Larry! Uncle Larry! Hey! Come on! We need to get you to the hospital right now! Come on! Ah fuck! You good? Say something!

Uncle Larry: I'm alright.

Jesse: You good? You good? What the fuck were you thinking? It doesn't matter. Come on! You stand? You stand? You good? Okay, I'll try and carry you, I'll try and carry you! (they both stand up) Come on! I'm gonna get you to my car! What the fuck were you thinking? Oh shit, holy shit! Fuck, fuck! Fuck! (Uncle Larry slips on the sidewalk) Oh! Be careful! Be careful! Come on! Come on! Come on, stand! Corn! Help me! Help me! Come here! Corn! ''Put down the fucking camera! Jesus fucking Christ!'' Come on! Okay, come on! Look, my car's right there, we'll lay you in the back! Okay! We'll lay you in the back!

Uncle Larry: I just wanted it to be fucking over.