Psycho Kid Ruins Thanksgiving/Transcript

This is the transcript of Psycho Kid Ruins Thanksgiving.

Transcript

 * Jeffrey Sr.: You going to say grace?
 * Jesse: I'm not saying that shit, I think it's stupid.
 * Jeffrey Sr.: Well, I know you think it is stupid, but you can at least say something.
 * Jesse: You can't force your religious beliefs on me.
 * Jeffrey Sr.: Oh, nobody is forcing that on you.
 * Melissa: J.T., turn that camera off.
 * Jeffrey Jr.: It's just a home video. We do it all the time, it's fine.
 * Sally: Put the camera away, J.T.
 * Jeffrey Jr.: MomMom, we're going to look back on this and we're gonna enjoy and laugh, and everything. It's fine.
 * Jeffrey Sr.: To make everyone happy, I will say grace.
 * Jesse: You're just doing this to get on my nerves. Say it, you're the head of the household.
 * Jeffrey Sr.: Yeah, I am. Alright, bow your heads. (Saying Thanksgiving grace) Dear Lord, bless the food that is in front of us. Thank you, dear Lord, for all the family that is around table, and dear Lord, please, I emphasize, please find Jesse a job. Come Monday morning. Amen.
 * Others: Amen.
 * Jesse: (Slow clap) Yeah, real funny, Dad. Make me look like a stupid idiot in front of the whole family.
 * Jeffrey Sr.: It wasn't funny, it was sarcasm.
 * Jesse: You do this all the time.
 * Jeffrey Sr.: I know.
 * Jesse: Sarcasm makes me look stupid.
 * Jeffrey Sr.: Jess, All we want is a job. That's all we need from you.
 * Jesse: Yeah, I work for you. That's not a job? That's not good enough?
 * Jeffrey Sr.: Yeah, that's good enough. That's plenty good enough.
 * Jesse: Why, you gotta--
 * Theresa: Jesse, could you just... just say something that you're thankful for? It's Thanksgiving, you can just say it.
 * Jesse: I'm not playing his game. Why are you taking his side?
 * Jeffrey Sr.: It's not a game.
 * Theresa: I'm just trying to keep the peace. Let's just say something that you're thankful for.
 * Jesse: Okay. Yeah, no. Alright. Do I have to fold my hands and look up to the heavens and get on my knees?
 * Jeffrey Sr.: Just do what your mother says, please.
 * Jeffrey Jr.: It would be nice.
 * Jesse: Please, God, like oh I'm grateful for-- Alright yeah. Ok, let's do it, let's do it. I'm grateful...umm... I'm grateful for the food, I think it looks good, Wal-Mart does a bang-up job, I love it, (Sarcastically) It looks so good. And I am... grateful for... video games, if we're being honest. And um.... I'm grateful for... Halo came out recently, and... I look up to the Master Chief. He is kind of my hero.
 * Jeffrey Jr.: I love him.
 * Jesse: Not that anyone would understand. And I'm grateful for Mom for buying me a new Xbox One, after my dick of a dad destroyed it.
 * Jeffrey Sr.: (after listening to Jesse's rude Thanksgiving speech) So you don't appreciate anything we do.
 * Jesse: Amen.
 * Jeffrey Jr.: Hm, threw her under the bus.
 * Jeffrey Sr.: You don't appreciate anything we do for you?
 * Jesse: Oh, sorry. Did I put you on the spot there? Did I make you look embarrassed?
 * Jeffrey Sr.: (throws a piece of food at Jesse)
 * Jesse: What the hell are you doing?
 * Jeffrey Sr.: If you're not gonna act right around here, be part of the family...
 * Jesse: You want to make a scene during Thanksgiving?
 * Jeffrey Sr.: Yeah, I do! Because if you do not want to be a part of the family, then get out! You're not part of the family with the way you act!
 * Jeffrey Jr.: Oh, boy.
 * Jesse: I'm not part of the family?
 * Jeffrey Sr.: No! You don't act right, then you're not part of the family!
 * (Jesse flips the table, starting the Thanksgiving chaos)
 * Jeffrey Jr.: Oh, my God!
 * (Jeffrey Sr. throws a turkey at Jesse)
 * Jesse: Ow! You threw a turkey at me?!
 * Jeffrey Sr.: You just flipped the table over!
 * (Jeffrey Jr. laughs)
 * (Jesse flips another table)
 * Jeffrey Jr.: Oh, my Lord!
 * Jesse: (notices Jeffrey Jr.'s camera) And you're filming?! (turns away in frustration) God, I'm so done!
 * Jeffrey Sr.: What ails you?
 * Jesse: (throws pies at Jeffrey Sr.) No! No!
 * Jeffrey Sr.: What ails you?
 * Jesse: I'm done! I'm done! I'm done!
 * Jeffrey Sr.: Well, good!
 * Jesse: (to Jeffrey Jr.) And you, I hope you got your great Thanksgiving video! What a great family this is! (throws glasses) Piece of shit!
 * Jeffrey Jr.: I'm thankful for it.
 * Jesse: Fuck you.
 * Jeffrey Jr.: (laughs) Oh, shit.
 * Jeffrey Sr.: (grunts) God!
 * Jeffrey Jr.: Wow.
 * Sally: You need help, Terry?
 * Melissa: I'm so sorry about this. I know you're shaking hon.
 * Theresa: I don't understand it... I know. You shouldn't have to go through this.
 * (Jesse screams in distance)
 * Melissa: George, help.
 * George: I'm helping.
 * (the family cleans up the mess caused by Jesse.)
 * Jeffrey Jr.: There's the turkey.
 * Sally: I'm so sorry.
 * Theresa: It's alright, don't worry about it.
 * George: Here.
 * Theresa: Don't... It's all over the place.
 * Kate: Grow up! Grow up.
 * Theresa: I know, it's sad.
 * Jeffrey Jr.: Happy Thanksgiving. Go Eagles!