Psycho Family Halloween/Transcript

(Jesse, dressed as The Joker holds the camera)

Jesse: Alright, hey there Juggies it's your old pal McJokerNuggets here. How about that lighting. Happy Halloween everyone! Are you ready for this party hmmm? We're going to have a great time tonight!

(Jesse turns the camera to Corn who is in his corn in the cob costume)

Jesse: Look at Corn in his little Corn Cob costume.

Corn: Hello!

Jesse: You're adorable so f*cking adorable I could eat him up. Alright, I'm going to hand the camera over to you. Tonight is the night, we are going to troll The Batman or Jeffrey.

(Jesse hands the camera to Corn)

Jesse: Here. Take care good care of it, please. We don't want any mishaps.

Corn: *Laughs with dignity*

Jesse: How do I look in this lighting?

Corn: Pretty... Pretty Intense

Jesse: Nick did a great job!

Corn: I know right!

Jesse: He's outside right now, setting up for the party. Luckily we have invitations so... we don't even have to be incognito...

(Jesse and Corn head to the garage while Corn films Jeffrey Sr getting ready)

Jesse: Do you mind... We got sh*t to do, Corn.

Corn: Oh, sorry.

Jesse: Always f*cking arguing.

Corn: Gotta work on my hunch.

Jesse: I've already heard that one.

Corn: Yeah, right... Just hold out your spleen again.

Jesse: Can't wait to see his fat f*cking bat cave!

(Corn mumbles to himself)

Jesse: We're in for a good show tonight!

Jesse: Where's my shotgun, doesn't he have a shotgun or something?

Corn: Yeah, yeah...

Jesse: Just come in here guns blazing...

Corn: I mean usually he uses knives but...

Jesse: I need a little knife.

Corn: Yeah that would be really good.

Jesse: I have an idea, I know what's in there.

Jesse: Hold. We're gonna bum-rush this f*cker. (Laughs)

Jesse: (Whispering) As soon as I open this door... -It's on.

Corn: Let him have it,

Jesse: We're going to creep the f*ck out of him. Ready?

Jesse: Go (Door opens)

Jeffrey: What the f*ck. Are you serious? (Laughter)

Jesse: Serious. Why so serious?

Jeffrey: Corn I can see you getting dressed up very nice.

Jesse: What you got here bro?

Jeffrey: Setting up for the party.

Jesse: Yeah looks really f*cking good.

Jeffrey: Did you do this yourself? Or did you have somebody else do it and you just filmed it?

Jesse: Do you want to know how I got these scars?

Jeffrey: Is it from-

(Jesse grabs Jeffery but Jeffrey fends him off.)

Jeffrey: Don't f*cking touch me. Get f*cking out!

Jesse: I was just trying to do a little joke, it's just a little gag.

Jeffrey: Get out!

(Jeffrey pushes Jesse out of the garage)

Jesse: Woah! The batman...

Jeffrey: (To Corn) Get out! You too.

Jesse: He just got real serious. I am allowed to go to this party, Jeffrey. Or should I say "The FatMan".

Jeffrey: Is he f*cking serious?

Jesse: You know it, bro. I'm staying here.

Jeffrey: Get the f*ck out!

Jesse: Do you want to know how I got the...

Jeffrey: Get. The f*ck. Out

Jesse: I'm out. Fffff... -f*ck!... you... Can't even take a simple joke...

Corn: I know right?

Jesse: Let's play a game... Can you see me right now?

Corn: Yeah, yeah.

A little bit of magic... don't film it!

Corn: Don't want to give away the trick?

Jesse: Want to see a little magic trick there, Corn? This is Harvey Dent's coin. Ok? I took this off of him. Let's do a little 50/50 chance... Do you want to play?

Corn: Yeah! (Nervous but excited laughter)

Jesse: I just remembered... I have a f*ck ton of fireworks in that treehouse, I put it in there months ago. Batman doesn't know I have them. So what do you say, we play a game? Heads... We light up the fireworks!

Corn: Heh!

Jesse: Heads... We light up the fireworks HAHAH-HAHAHAH!

Corn: Sounds fair enough.

(Jesse flips the coin)

Jesse: It dropped. Heads it is!

Corn: Ohhhh! I was hoping it would be heads.

(Jesse and Corn go to the treehouse to retrieve the fireworks)

Jesse: Wait until you see what we've got. We've got bottle rockets, we've got roman candles. We're going to go in there, and we're going to go APE SHIT!

Corn: I understand why Heath Ledger got so crazy as The Joker. You just- It just becomes you.

Jesse: Becomes a part of you... I need to get a lighter... I'm going to cut that and I'm going to get a lighter. Ok?

(The video cuts to Jesse and Corn having retrieved the fireworks)

Jesse: *Diabolical laughter" You're getting that Corn?

Corn: Yeah.

Jesse: See these bad boys, yeah? These will light up a dark alley on the 4th of f*cking July! (To Corn) Get off the f*cking ladder. Sorry... Sorry. Hehehehehehee... I'm losing it. It's this costume, man. I tell you. All we really need are these roman-f*cking-candles because he lit these off in my face one day... That and.. Well... Well, it's not working.

(The lighter manages to start)

Jesse: It's got some fight in it, I like that. Hahah! Look! Even matches my outfit. Let's go!

(Jesse and Corn start to head back to the garage and Corn sees Jeff Sr and Theresa arguing)

Jesse: (To Corn) Do not film that!

Corn: Yeah, sorry.

Jesse: They're arguing all the f*cking time... Look. When we do this, we're going in guns blazing you understand? All I ask is that you film that! Ok?

Corn: I can do that.

Jesse: You film, and I'll light this sh*t off... You get allowed to hold these right?

Corn: Yeah.

Jesse: You can hold them?

Corn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jesse: Well, if not...(Creepy Joker Smile) Do I light them now, or do I light them when I get in?

Corn: I don't know how fast they go, so maybe open the door fist.

Jesse: I don't know. I'm going to go in, yeah. You go in ahead of me. Alright. We've got one shot at this. Come on, dude. Light's out. Ok. Throw that somewhere. We're going in. You ready for this? Go!

(Jesse and Corn reenter the garage as Jeffrey is setting up the food and drinks for the party)

Jesse: Good evening!

Jeffrey: I already told you to get the f*ck out of here!

Jesse: Ladies and gentlemen!

Jeffrey: What the f*ck is that, is that the-

Jesse: We are tonight's entertainment!

Jeffrey: Get the f*ck out!

Jesse: Hey, hey, hey, hey... Watch it there, Big Brudda. Big Batman...

Jeffrey: Get the f*ck out.

Jesse: You come near me, you do anything-

Jeffrey: Don't you f*cking light that!

Jesse: Oh, I'll light it. You remember when you lit them fireworks at me?!

Jeffrey: Don't you f*cking light that.

Jesse: Oh, I'll do it... Hey come on, give me a little play.. play, play! Come on, Batman!

Jeffrey: If I do it...

Jesse: No, you're going to do it! Do it!

Jeffrey: Will you walk out?

Jesse: Oh yeah... You can trust me, cross my heart, hope to die.

(Jeffrey tries to step forward)

Jesse: Hey! Ey, ey, hey! Not another step...! I'll light it. Who loves a flame? I'll make flames out of my hands! There it is...

Jeffrey: Alright, alright, alright...

Jesse: Hey, ey, ey! Alright, alright. Let's do something, Batman, let's play. Let's play a game. Come on, we're in costumes. Let's role play here. LARP-ing right? Come on, give me your Batman. Give me your best shot! Come on yeah! Harness it, baby! You've got it! Just let it out... Own it... Yeah.

Jeffrey: (In a Batman voice) Put down the f*cking roman candle!

Jesse: Woah, Woah! Hey! There is! Ok, ok alright. No, no. Back off! You're Adam West. Give me Adam West, back off!

Jeffrey: You want f*cking Adam West?

Jesse: Yeah! Yeah, yeah... Come on, just for the camera! For the people watching! Come on?

(Jeffrey does an Adam West-Batman impression but does badly)

Jesse: What is that? What the f*ck? Hahahahaha! What the f*ck is that? No, no, go back to Christian Bale you f*ck!

Jeffrey: (In a Christian Bale Batman impression) Put down the f*cking roman candle!

Jesse: That's the intensity...

Jeffrey: Drop it right now!

Jesse: (Lights the firework) It's f*cking on!... When does this thing light?

Jeffrey:(Covering himself with his cape) Oh, you've got to be f*cking kidding me... Jesse, put that f*cking thing down!

Jesse: I think it's a dud... Whoop!

(The firework explodes)

Jesse: (Laughing) It's beautiful!

(The fireworks continue to crack while Jeffrey is protecting himself in fear)

Jesse: Let's put a smile on that face! Jeffrey... WHOO! Holy sh*t! That wasn't so bad now, was it?

(Jeff Sr dressed as The Hulk enters the garage)

Jeff Sr: What are you doing?!

(Jesse slowly looks back to Jeff Sr)

Jeff Sr: What're you doing? I gave you permission to use the stinking garage!

Jeffrey: He came out here and f*cking started lighting that sh*t off!

Jesse: No I-

Jeff Sr: Just because you're in costume, you don't act like an *sshole.

Jesse: We were playing around, we were just doing...

Jeffrey: No we weren't playing around! He came out here!

Jesse: I was just... I was just playing... Everything's fine, I don't think there's any...

Jeff Sr: There's gas in here! Propane tanks and sh*t like that, and you're acting like an *ss!

Jesse: Okay, I just... (stammers) It's festive! I don't...

Jeff Sr: No it isn't festive! (To Jesse) You're going to hurt something! (To Jeffrey) You're going to hurt somebody!

Jesse: I'm not going to... I'm not going to hurt anything!

Jeff Sr: You got a party! I gave you permission and you're both acting like *ssholes!

Jeffrey: It's not my fault! He's the one-

(Jeff Sr flips the first table)

Jeffrey: Holy sh*t. Jesus F*cking Christ, are you kidding me?

Jesse: Holy sh*t!

Jeff Sr: Yeah!

Jeffrey: There's glass everywhere!

Jeff Sr: Yeah, it's everywhere because you act like *ssholes! You're gonna blow my whole freaking garage up!

(Jeff Sr flips the second table)

Jeff Sr: Sh*t!

Jeffrey: Are you kidding me?

(Jesse is laughing psychotically and Jeffrey takes notice)

Jeff Sr: Yeah, I'm kidding you!

Jeffrey: (To Jesse) What the f*ck are you laughing at?

(Jeff Sr flips the third table and it nearly hits Jesse)

Jesse: AAH! AAH!

Jeff Sr: When're you ever gonna learn? Seriously!

Jeffrey: When am I gonna learn? He's the one that came out here! He's the one that came out here!

Jesse: (Holding a Mountain Dew bottle) Have some Mountain Dew, baby! (cackles)

Jeff Sr: You both egg it on all the time! You both egg it on!

Jesse: We're just having a bit of fun!

Jeff Sr: No you're not! It ain't fun! You're gonna ruin all my sh*t acting like *ssholes.

Jeffrey: I've got friends coming over any f*cking minute now!

Jeff Sr: Not anymore you don't!|

Jesse: Everything's fine!

Jeff Sr: No it isn't. There's freaking sh"t everywhere...

(Jeffrey throws a chair at Jesse's wall)

Jesse: Holy sh*t.

Jeffrey: F*ck you, you piece of sh*t.

Jesse: (Mockingly) Yeah, okay...

Jeff Sr: Knock it off!

Jesse: Okay, everyone just calm down...

Jeff Sr: Look at this mess! Did you start a fire in my freaking garage?

Jesse: There's no fire, your car is fine. You forgot to move the car out...

Jesse: (sees jeff jr spraypainting an orange graffiti of a penis) Hey! Hey! What the f*ck are you doing?