Psycho Dad Flattens Gaming Lair

This is the transcript for Psycho Dad Flattens Gaming Lair.


(the video opens with Jeffrey exiting Jesse's tent with the camera, Jesse is attempting to get it back)

Jesse: Give me that shit!

Jeffrey: Give me that fucking camera!

Jesse: Asshole! That's mine! Give me that shit!

(Jesse spots something in the distance)

Jesse: Dad!? Dad!

(Jesse starts running towards his father, who is driving a backhoe and is about to run over the tent)

Jeffrey: What the...?

Jesse: Dad! Hey! Stop! Stop! You're not...!

Jeffrey: The hell...? Oh shit!

(Jeffrey gets closer to get a better view)

Jesse: Dad! I worked hard for this shit!

Jeff Sr.: Get out of the way.

Jesse: I'm not moving!

Jeffrey: Holy shit.

Jesse: I'm not moving!

(he takes off his jacket and throws it at the backhoe, causing Jeffrey to laugh)

Jeff Sr.: Get out of the way.

Jesse: I'm not moving! No!

Jeffrey: Fucking Tianamen Square over here!

Jeff Sr.: You disrespect me! You use my electricity!

Jeffrey: Ow, fuck!

Jeff Sr.: What else are you going-

Jesse: It's our electricity! I built this from the ground up!

Jeff Sr.: I don't care, Jess! You don't have a job!

Jesse: *stutters* Yeah, I make videos for a living! Do you understand that!?

Jeffrey: Oh my god. *laughs*

Jeff Sr.: You don't have anything but a tent!

Jesse: So!? That's because of you!

Jeff Sr.: Well I...

Jesse: Because you won't let me live there!

Jeff Sr.: I gotta put you out of it!

(he continues driving the backhoe towards the tent)

Jesse: Dad!

Jeff Sr.: You gotta move!

Jesse: Dad! Stop! Stop!

(Jeff Sr. ignores him, and continues to drive towards the tent)

Jesse: Keep on...Dad, come on!

Jeff Sr.: I'm sorry...

Jesse: Dad, calm down! Can we talk about this!?

Jeff Sr.: No!

Jesse: I'm sorry!

Jeff Sr.: No!

Jesse: I'm sorry about the trophies!

Jeff Sr.: You should've thought about this before you went ahead with it!

Jesse: This isn't fair! Dad!

Jeffrey: Shit...

Jesse: Dad, come on!

(Jeff Sr. starts to lift the plow on the backhoe)

Jeffrey: Oh shit!

(Jeffrey moves towards the entrance of the tent and looks inside)

Jesse: No, please! Please! Dad!

Jeff Sr.: Get out!

Jesse: (running out of the way of the backhoe) Shit! Shit! Fuck!

Jeffrey: Holy shit!

Jesse: Oh fuck! No!

(Jeff Sr. starts to run over the tent)

Jeffrey: Oh my fucking god!

Jesse: No! *screams*

Jeffrey: Holy shit!

(Jeff Sr. flattens the tent with the plow, and runs over it and its contents)

Jeffrey: *laughs*

Jesse: Noooooooooooooooooooooo! Fuck!

(He continues his screaming as Jeff Sr. starts turning the backhoe around to drive back into the backyard)

Jeffrey: Holy shit!

Jeff Sr.: You should've thought about it, Jess!

Jeffrey: Holy shit!

Jesse: Are you fucking crazy!? *screams*

(Jeff Sr. starts driving away)

Jeff Sr.: Now you've got a mobile home! You can leave now!


(he charges at Jeffrey, who backs away)

Jesse: *weeps* 

Jeffrey: *laughs*

(Jesse searches the remains of Eagles Landing)

Jesse: Where's the Xbox!? Dad!? Dad!?

(he starts running after Jeff Sr. while screaming)

Jeffrey: (spots an Xbox 360 controller) Holy shit! There's the controller! *laughs*

(Jeffrey realizes something about the contents inside the tent)

Jeffrey: Wait a minute!

(Jesse picks up the Xbox, which is presumably broken)

Jesse: Fuck!

Jeffrey: Was my fucking laptop in there!?


Jeffrey: Are you fucking kidding me!? You broke my fucking laptop again!?

(Jesse walks back towards the remains of Eagles Landing)

Jesse: Get the fuck out of here, dude!

Jeffrey: Jesus fucking Christ!

Jesse: You knew this was going to happen!

Jeffrey: *chuckles*

Jesse: That's why you're filming! You're always filming! Fucking!

(he throws the Xbox against a tree, smashing it)

Jeffrey: Jesus Christ, dude!

Jesse: (in a mocking tone) Jesus Christ, dude! Oh, like you never got angry before!? Dude you don't even understand! I worked hard!

Jeffrey: Yeah, I fucking-

Jesse: Eagle...That was Eagles Landing. I had...I made the most of it! Could you not...Can you not...Just go fucking...Just...Get out! Did you tell him?

Jeffrey: No, I didn't tell him!

Jesse: For him to come out here?

Jeffrey: No!

(Jesse continues to survey the destruction)

Jeffrey: Jesus...

Jesse: I had bought a brand new...CAN YOU GET THAT FUCKING CAMERA OUT!?

Jeffrey: *laughs*

Jesse: (angered) Fucking give me that shit!

(Jeffrey brings the camera close to Jesse's face)

Jeffrey: It's okay.

Jesse: Do you seriously want me to fucking punch you in the face right now?

Jeffrey: You're okay. You're okay. *chuckles* You're-

Jesse: You are lucky you're bigger than me!

Jeffrey: *chuckles*

Jesse: Seriously, stop fucking filming me!

Jeffrey: I turned it off.

(Jesse gives a look of disbelief)

Jeffrey: It's off! It's off!

Jesse: Bullshit. Bullshit.

(he lifts a blanket to see if anything valuable survived)

Jesse: Great, a fucking Nature Valley Bar. Lovely.

(he throws the bar)

Jeffrey: *laughs*

(Jesse spots something suspicious)

Jesse: What the hell is that?!

Jeffrey: Uh...*laughs*

Jesse: What the fuck is this?!

(he starts walking toward a camera Jeffrey had set up to get a second view of the destruction)

Jeffrey: It's... nothing! *laughs*

Jesse: Oh, it's nothing, huh!?

(he picks up the camera and walks towards Jeffrey with it)

Jesse: You just happen to have a camera on a tri-pod because you KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!

Jeffrey: *laughs* I mean...

Jesse: Oh yeah, it's recording! (high-pitched voice) OH HI! HI JEFFREY!

Jeffrey: *laughs*

Jesse: You know...I'm taking this...I'm taking this fucking footage!

(he steals Jeffrey's camera)

Jesse: I'm taking it all!

(Jeffrey takes the second camera)

Jeffrey: Well, fine! That's why I have two angles.

Jesse: Yeah, alright! Yeah upload that to my channel too!

Jeffrey: I'll make my own fucking channel.

Jesse: Yeah, we know that's gonna happen. You're not gonna get any subscribers, fucker.

(the video ends)

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